Tuesday, March 15, 2005
How NOT to Kill Yourself
I'm in one of my disillusioned moods again, so if you do choose to read this, be warned: it's cynical. This is stuff you don't need to know. This is the kind of talk doctors engage in when they've had an overdose of psych patients...
Before proceeding to read this, check the instructions on how NOT to kill yourself with a shotgun, look here. If you're still interested, read on..
There are various ways to kill yourself that I wouldn't personally recommend. For instance, dousing yourself with gasoline and setting yourself aflame is generally a bad idea. Chances are you'll survive, but lose most of your skin, and end up looking really freaky, after a couple of months of extensive surgery and intensive care.
If cordless bungee jumping is your idea of a cool exit, do make sure you do it from at least the fifth floor. Second floor is just not high enough. Again, with surgery and intensive care, you'll be discharged in a couple of months, a cripple with brain damage.
Valium is the classic suicide attempt drug -- with an emphasis on the word "attempt". I haven't seen any successful Valium suicides. You'll end up sleeping real sound, and eventually taken to the ER, where a world-weary doctor, rolling his eyes, will stuff charcoal into your brand new stomach tube. You'll be discharged after a psych consult. As an emergency medicine teacher once told me in medical school, the only way to kill yourself with valium is to stuff so much in your mouth that you choke on it. However, successful cash-ins have been made with a mix of Valium, alcohol, and perhaps some antidepressants thrown in for good measure.
Throwing your house of dust in front of a moving vehicle will not guarantee a one-way ticket to eternity. More often than not, what you get instead is a round trip to the OR and intensive care again, and go home to an even more miserable life than before.
 Added 2009-08-09: Before you take any drastic action, please see this if it's the last thing you do:
Coming up in The Broken Brain: Self-Cutting. Stay tuned, but only if you really want to read about it..