Saturday, May 21, 2005

The Suicide Blog

This will hopefully be my last post on the subject matter (no, this is not a suicide note...)

As I mentioned in a previous post, my blog has inadvertently become something of a target for people looking for ways to kill themselves. I logged in on my website statistics page, and found out that most of my traffic came from google searches such as "how do I kill myself" and variations thereof. The phenomenon was even featured on the New Links daily linkage web site.

It's nice to have some traffic, but it makes me feel kind of creepy to think that as I write, these very entries are being read by desperate people all over the world who are determined to end their lives. It also makes me sad. So I figured I'd try and gather from my readers a collection of reasons why these people shouldn't kill themselves. The catch: I don't have that many readers, and most of them want to kill themselves anyway, so my collection hasn't exactly exploded into a treasury of reasons to cherish life.

Now I'm starting to fear that this blog is becoming so depressing that sooner or later the rest of my readers will want to kill themselves, too.

I wouldn't want to be remembered as the blogger who caused a mass suicide.

So here is my collection of reasons not to kill yourself. All three entries. Thank you mmChronic and Ian for your contributions. The first entry is by me.

Reasons Not To Kill Yourself:

Consider this: If you've reached the point where you are determined to die by your own hand, you have nothing left to lose. So I ask you to do just one thing: Talk to someone first. A friend, a neighbor, a doctor -- if you feel you don't have anyone, just call someone you've known in the past. If someone's hurt you, call them and let them know how you feel. If you're feeling guilty and dirty, confess to someone. We all have our secrets, our shortcomings. You may think you're a dirty, failed person, but in fact you're probably just average in that respect. If you're in pain, talk to a doctor. Pain can be treated. So: talk to someone. The internet is not a substitute for a living, breathing human being.

The decision to kill oneself is sometimes vindictive. A means of revenge, a malicious act, aimed at hurting others. The realization of a selfish, desperate need to have power over others. That power is fleeting: As Ian pointed out, suicide leads to nothing but a reeking corpse and oblivion. Instead of achieving the ultimate victory, you will suffer the ultimate defeat.

Finally, to expand on the pragmatic approach I took in a previous post on this blog:

We have the power to end our own lives at any given time. Therefore, if we choose not to do it now, we will always have that option later. We can take comfort in that -- no one can take that option away from us, and therefore it's not absolutely necessary to do it right now. We can always postpone it, and still keep that option. So - don't do it now, because it's final. If you're certain you've exhausted all the other options, it just might be worth waiting a little longer to see what happens. You have had happier times - life happens in cycles, and you will see better times again.


Why not? Because millions of people throughout history have died fighting to earn or defend the rights and prosperity we seemingly have thrust upon us, and which we often take for granted.

Also -- another reason not to kill yourself is because suicide is often wrongly romanticized. For instance Kurt Cobain or Hunter S. Thompson did it, and so the people who idolized them in life begin to idolize their death as well. But we have to take death for what it is -- a cold, bloody extinction that leaves a rank odor of decomposition in its wake. Try this: if you can go to the library and read about the Spanish Inquisition, the Holocaust, the Cambodian Killing Fields, the Rwandan Genocide, etc. and think to yourself, "Wow, that's glamorous! I would love to die like those millions of poor saps!," then, perhaps, your death wish carries some credence. But if you're like the other 99.9999% of people suffering suicidal ideation, you'll see the horror of such historical atrocities, and that deep-seated revulsion towards death will provide you the answer to whether or not killing oneself is a viable option.


Though totally frivolous the fact there's new gaming hardware like Xbox 360 and the PS3 are just around the corner shoud be enough to keep a gaming freak from suicide for a few months yet. ;)

Oh and it's spring - yay!



Felicity said...

I've read the above and I still want to die.

Anonymous said...

what about the millions who have been abused and robbed of their childhood. Who for some reason keep falling through societies cracks. Who try desperately to find that love that they so crave only to find in the end that love is taken from them. What about people lick me.

Anonymous said...

You know, i myself am in the same situation as you guys. I think about suicide sometimes. But, if i ever do it, i think i would spend a day at somewhere i liked to go, like the beach and just lay in the sand with my feet in the waves, or go to a bookstore and read a couple books on poetry or something that would enlighten me however depressed i am even for a couple seconds even if it takes hours to get to, who cares live a little since you won't be much longer. Maybe do a couple of good deeds that normal people wouldn't usually do even if they were prone to doing good things because of their reputation, status on earth, pride, financial situation, etc. like giving some deserving poor people all of what little money i have or take out A BUNCH of loans and give it to the people still have a fighting chance to live out their dreams or even if they didn't so they could continue to dream, maybe beating the piss out of someone who TRULY had it coming or at least showing them what the world thought of them, stealing food from the groceries or at least walk in and out normally without paying despite what the employees do or say before the cops arrived just so i wouldn't get tied up in jail, you know, live life like it was the last day of everything, literally. remember, once you go you can never come back, so you might as well have a little bit of fun before you go IN SPITE of the world that brought you to your knees almost in an act of defiance, and who the hell knows, maybe after living life so carefree and without disregard for yourself in terms of danger, and doing a little bit more for what little beautifully innocent and weak part of humanity there is left, you might not want to go after all. or at least live out the remaining part of your life as if tomorrow were truly optional. as in your position it is, YOU SEE, YOU MAY NOT REALIZE IT BUT YOU ARE IN THE POSITION TO BE AT A STATE OF LIFE PEOPLE ONLY DREAM ABOUT, BEAUTIFUL FREEDOM UNRESTRAINED. even if you do kill yourself, you know that you will regret not doing at least a couple things while you're spirit remains a ghost on earth since you did take your life, the greatest sin of all time mind you, WELL ACTUALLY, dont mind it, because thats why im telling you to do what your heart feels is right before you go and kill yourself like a couple good deeds, to show god that even though you know that you will probably not get into heaven for taking your life, that it doesn't matter to you, that it wasn't your fault this happened to you, and you were in face despite what his word may say about people who take their lives a good and at least somewhat unselfish person, who did at one time have a dream and want to be alive, but like all people had to deal with what few cards he had been dealt. alright, i am not the best at expressing my thoughts, but try to see what i was trying to show you. right before you do take your life, should you choose to afterwards, be the myth people dream about, live the dream, show how no matter what this world has done to you they could never truly kill your spirit, despite where you end up going after life.

right in between the nightmare and the end of the movie,
live the dream.
just even for a few seconds during the transition of the scene,
be free.


Anonymous said...

I was once a teen on the brink of suicide. I honestly don't know why I never went through with it but now I am so glad that I did not.I had a terrible childhood and countless bad relationships in my life. I have lost my father, two uncles and a brother and still I go on. I thought back then that things would never get any better. That I should never have been born. I blamed so many other people and situations on how my life was and how I felt. I always assumed that all children couldn't wait to grow up or at least die so they could get away from all the bull in their lives. Now I have children of my own and I recently asked them if they are eager to be adults. They said they love to be kids. They said that adults have too much responsibility. You know, that made me feel so happy to be alive today. I was blessed with the opportunity to make a better life for someone and to be a better parent tham mine was. The point to all of this is that you can make it through whatever you are going through in your life. Just remember that the one person you have to count on is you. It's hard to get past depression but I promise, if you put as much thought and effort into making your life more positive as you do dreading each day, you will have a bright future. I wish you all the very best. Stay alive.

Stuart Ressler, M.D. said...

Thanks for your comments. What can I say, try to hang in there. Keep your options open. Life happens in cycles, there'll be happier times.

Good post about children. Childhood, I miss it too. Seems like childhood lasted forever, then you grow up, and time starts going by so fast, all of a sudden you're 40, thinking about your coronary arteries..

This brings to mind a great quote from a novel, I think I'll post in the blog.


The MSILF said...

Just found the blog - and this post got me - because it was the course in forensic pathology that totally ended any kind of romantic ideas about suicide. People who aren't in the medical world a lot of the time have no idea how awful a dead body really is.

Not sure why I had to make that comment - but I like the blog! (Though was not crazy about neurosurgery - too many long hours standing over something tiny and fixing it!)

Anonymous said...

Thank you for this blog.. I have been on the verge of suicide for the past ten years, always wishing for a bit of good luck and never getting it, after years of rubbish anti-depressants and psychiatrists appointments and schizophrenic medications etc etc I am still back to where I started minus the drugs... my sister committed suicide 6 years ago and maybe that's why I havent done it but I tell you something, this site helped me.. just reading some of the comments made me realise that life may be bad but I am sure there is something better out there, a bit of good luck that some day maybe I will get..
thanks for the blog again, it certainly helped me :)

Anonymous said...

I may lose my job. I am too old to start again. I have no education, a house that I won't be able to afford, and a car that I won't be able to afford.

My life doesn't mean very much of anything.

Anonymous said...

The difference between wanting to go on or not can be one single friend. If you don't have one, be one - give someone else in your situation a reason to go on.

Anonymous said...

go not go the suicide route, attemped with a 36 cal. blackpowder pistol to my right temple 25 yrs. ago, left nothing but siezes and hard to deal with life cause of poor memory, consontrating and getting along with people. 25 yrs. later and still have underlying problems. I need help too, does any body know if agingand head injury will have an effect on my behavior , thinking now? things seem to be getting worse and I'm just 52. any body know long term effects of right temporal damage from gunshot wound? thanks for any responces ahead of time. Main thing I wanted to say is syuicide is not the answer.......glen

Timothy Robert Boyum-Lanoue said...

After reading that the person who started this blog feels quite bad for what he may or may not have done, I think that people should see the humor that he's tried to put in these, I've read how NOT to kill yourself and deadeye dick; yes im depressed, I suffer from bi-polar, and all the meds quit workin when I was 17, I'm 24 going to be 25 in a couple weeks, I've done a lot of things I'm not proud of, seen a lot that I wish I didn't see, as well as held a friend in my arms as his brains leaked onto my shirt because someone chose to put a bullet in each eye; and seeing him fight in vain to live makes me think each and everytime I want to die that life is just too precious and too short as it is. Like the guy stated, talk to someone, yeah, you may get admitted to a psychward depending on your age, but a lot of them are quite unsecure, I know from experience, you may end up on all sorts of pills that will more than likely work if you don't use other drugs such as pot, coke, crack, etc. Or you just may find the help you secretly want. Most people that are looking this stuff up online are doing so as a way to try and reach out to someone in hopes that they'll at the very least have a shoulder to cry on. And to my fellow men, fuck what popular media, and most other men say, crying does not make you a queer, or weak, I wish I would've learned that what my father told me while he was beating me for crying during his wrestling shows when I was still quite young was a load of shit. It's ok to cry, it's ok to ask for help; most people that say to all these kids go ahead and do it, should have their nuts chopped off, and their dicks shoved down their throat. I would go into the reasons that I would love to just end it all, but this is not the time, nor the place. and quite simply it's not really anyones concern right now. maybe in the future I'll start talking about alot of what I went through again, when I can emotionally handle it.

But all in all people, give the guy that started this a break; please. He deserves it, based on what I've read, this guy is a doctor, and sees enough pain in a single day to last a lifetime, and like someone else said on one of his other blogs, I'm just glad that he found a way that's not completely destructive to deal with it.