Wednesday, February 22, 2006

A Hundred Thousand Years

The comments on the Suicide Blog post build up..someone wrote about childhood, and I started thinking about how times goes by so fast now, and how childhood seemed to last forever. Let me quote a paragraph from Catch 22 by Joseph Heller:

"A second ago you were stepping into college with your lungs full of fresh air. Today you're an old man /../ A half minute before that you were stepping into high school, and an unhooked brassiere was as close as you ever hoped to get to Paradise. Only a fifth of a second before that you were a small kid with a ten-week summer vacation that lasted a hundred thousand years and still ended too soon."

That's just so amazingly powerful writing that I always get chills when I read it.


Anonymous said...

That's amazing. I've posted anonomyously on the suicide blog before, and I don't know why I am again, because although life could be better it could also be worse, and I am not at a stage in my life where I feel it is worth killing myself. However I do still like to come to this page, for what exact reason I don't know, each time I suppose I just wish I could post just exactly what needed to be said in order to maybe save someone's life, but I don't know if I can... But I do know this (at some points, still occasionally contemplating if anything at least the thought of suicide itself), that if there is ONE SINGLE fucking thing worth living for, and excuse my language, it's to at least try to help other people like me (or like yourself), and all the others who are just about to be driven to suicide, and especially to try and help the ones just being born into the world who you can tell by the innocent look on their faces expect a beautiful magical place, full of wonder and amazement and above all love and happiness. And although you and I both know from experience that it may definitely fall beneath expectations, that that is no reason to not try and do something, ANYTHING, ANYTHING AT ALL to help that life be avoided by them. I'm sure a few of you must think at some point that nobody deserves to be put through what you have been put through, and IT'S TRUE!!! So now that you and I have been through these things that nobody deserves to go through, although life may be a lost cause for us don't you think we should for a lack of a better word, "practice what we preach" and make those people just being born into the world not have to go through them. And no matter how horrible my life gets, whether I get back to the point of feeling I have nothing to live for or even past that point, I for one will try my best to make this world even a little bit more inhabitable for if anybody those people, even the ones who no matter how likely are destined to be arrogant, evil, selfish, hateful, and/or numb. I know some things may seem unforgivable, and that is okay, although the bible says we should forgive others and etc., we are not perfect. I know there are people I don't know if I can ever forgive, but the truth is that they at one point were just like you and me, and for some it may be a far far distant point but be it the time of their conception if anything, they once were just like us and you have to try and realize that if we don't do something about this life and it's society and all of the other countless problems, those beautiful little babies will either end up like you or me, or they will end up as the people in the world who have driven us to suicide. they still deserve a fighting chance. I'm sure you could take at least one saint and put them into another body and another life and have them given certain choices and also at times no choice and they will succumb to this cold world just as anybody else. Everybody is worth fighting for, no matter how lost. Especially yourself, but if you do feel that your life is lost, and you do think that suicide is inevitable, show God that although he might cast you down to hell and say that you wasted the most precious gift ever able to be given, that you are sorry but due to the current circumstances the gift was not able to enjoyed, BUT AT LEAST YOU TRIED TO STOP THIS PERPETUAL CYCLE OF SUFFERING THAT HAS BECOME OF LIFE, and try your best to make life better for at least a few people just entering the world before you make your exit. I know you are thinking 'what can I do, I can't even fix my life, how am I supposed to fix what's wrong with the world? that's impossible.' and maybe it is, but think about your life and what you have been through and think about the times that you thought or could have thought if only somebody had did this, or if only this had been different, or anything, just think about how something no matter how great or small could have been changed in your life and forever altered it's course, and i'm sure if you truly feel what I am trying to say you will come up with something and together we will all little by little stop this fucking madness, even if we do kill ourselves afterwards. lol. It's like this saying "One hand will wash the other." lol. BUT if you are truly going to kill yourself, before you do show God that you at least tried to do the job that he was supposed to do for us and our lives and say "we'll if you're so perfect as to judge me and cast me down to hell to burn for all eternity, how come me of all people, a suicidal person on the brink of killing myself, was able to take 15 minutes or a day or two and try at least TRY to change some hopeful soul's life for the better, and if you are going to send me to hell after doing that, then you by far should be in hell too for not helping ME when i was that hopeful soul being driven to suicide." Although I can't speak for anyone and especially what they should say for themselves in the presence of God Almighty, if you are getting sent to hell you might as well try for a last ditch effort... (joke. maybe. hopefully.) Although if you still do feel like killing yourselves afterwards doing what I said above, I ask you to think about those thoughts you used to have when you were smaller how you wish you could do this or that, if only it weren't illegal or you wouldn't get in trouble THINGS THAT ARE GOOD THOUGH at least to some extent, and live the life you couldn't live when you had influences that said otherwise, now that you have none, most likely, It's like a fake yet someohow familiar to our innerselves somewhere in another life named tyler durden (joke) once said, "It's only after you have lost everything that you are free to do anything." I can't put into words that well anymore but I did give a better attempt at it on the original suicide blog comment section. I hope you will take a look at that before you make a final decision as all things even suicide require contemplation (thought). Think long and hard before you decide to go that route, because once you do, and you will eventually I guarentee you since we all have to die at some point, but just wait a while because once you do go that route there is NO TURNING BACK. so just fucking wait. Peace.

Jessy said...

I absolutely adore that book, I think it is poignant and fun to read.

Oh yea, I just found your blog and despite some of the more macabre posts, I appreciate your honest writing far more than most people's standard-issue crap.