Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Analyze This

Self-cutting is next, promise. But this is more pressing: I just had a long tete-a-tete with a patient of mine who's had suicidal thoughts lately. He's an ex-athlete, ex-alcoholic, who's suffering from, among other things, a bad case of depression. What can I do about it, other than start him on antidepressants? Nothing much. He needs serious treatment right now, but the only way to get the psych department interested would be to convince them he's gone completely bonkers and thinks he's the President of Romania or something. Well, you know, he's just a guy who's depressed. I tentatively asked him whether he might entertain the notion that he's the President of Romania, to which he suggested that I should go see someone myself. I think he's probably right. Know any good shrinks?

He said he's come this close to doing the deed a couple of times, but that his love for his family keeps him from doing it, for now. So we made a deal: If he does decide to chuck up the sponge, he will call me on my cell first, just to let me know he's going for it. He gave me his word, we shook hands on it, and I think he's the kind of guy who will not go through the embarrassment, even posthumously, of not having kept his word.

Another thing I usually tell my suicidal patients: We have the power to end our own lives at any given time. Therefore, if we choose not to do it now, we will always have that option later. We can take comfort in that -- no one can take that option away from us, and therefore it's not absolutely necessary to do it right now. We can always postpone it, and still keep that option. So - don't do it now, because it's final, and you should definitely look at the other options first.

Of course, the rational approach often fails, especially when the depression is so deep that it's beyond the reach of any rational thought. But a couple of times I've found I've managed to get my point through.

I'm no shrink, and I wouldn't mind some more ammunition for these encounters. So help me out: What would you tell someone who's contemplating suicide?
 

24 comments:

Nutty said...

The only certainty in this life is change, and if things have hit roch bottom, the only way they can change is for the better.

Maybe give them examples of people who wanted to do it and survived and are glad they didn't succeed. There are a lot of us like that out there.

Anonymous said...

Once, during a tough time at work, I started using an herb preparation for insomnia that had been highly recommended by a co-worker. It worked, but after using it for a little over a week, I woke in the middle of one night in a most severe state of depression and had actually awoken planning how I could kill myself right then. But somewhere back of my mind came the thought that I've never before seriously considered suicide. This state of mind was so strange that I wondered where it could have come from. That thought kept me balanced; I decided to wait til morning and think some more about this, even though the urge to suicide continued to be strong. I fell back asleep. The next day I was not suicidal nor particularly depressed and in assessing everything I'd done, thought, ate, whatever, lately, I decided I'd had a bad reaction to the herbs and stopped using that preparation. I've never had such an experience since.

Safire said...

I dont know if this is the right place to post why you should not kill yourself. I will post it here anyways. In 1985 I was raped at 14 by a 24 year old man. He was a friend of the family and not sure how my father (being a hardcore religous/and typical old time male belief system) would take it or believe me. I knew he would blame it on me because I wore a short skirt that night Hmm, (not no more) any ways this man came back into our home another day when I was alone and dragged me/ chased me/ all the while I kept on pulling my clothes back on screaming/ then he decided to act stupid and tells me I should have told him I did not want to do anything with him to begin with... after continues phone calls late at night from him threatening and scaring me I gave up the rights to my own phone line as a teen. I eventually tried to kill myself by overdose due to being afraid that I might be pregnant and to afraid to tell my parents what had happened... this was a person they knew but did not know had attacked me. I almost succeeded I planned it on a weekend when know one would be around and I was out for Friday night and did not come to till Sunday, when my mom seen me the first thing she asked was if I had my homework done....

So to persuade you not to well it was 10 years later and I had a beautiful daughter that would not be if here if I was not around. That marriage did not last and I went on to another my love.... regardless of the happiness I endure daily I suffer from a disorder I wont mention here. It has gotten worse the last 5 years and I have tried to do myself in 3 times since. Two of the times my daughter I mentioned earlier now 17 years of age whom is my (everlasting life) has found me and has actually went and got help so that and emergancy care. Which brings great pain to me she should not have to deal with this. However she loves life, she loves me her mom, she loves her family today. I have not always been faithful to those I love, I have not always been honest, deep down and on the surface I will always try to do my best by those I love and even strangers. I now have 20 years later from my first attempt at suicide 4 beautiful children. Death is just an easy way out, it is a fast and medicore solution to whatever problem you feel you may have. It is the chicken shit way out, if you have any guts (even if you feel guilty about anything you have done) You would look closely and carefully for a better solution step up to the plate and do some problem solving that does not involve harmin or ending the precious light that we all have. We all affect one another try to do your best to light the way for another person soul/spirit while we have this oppurtunity as a living being here on earth. Believe me, take it from someone who has tried 4 times and has regreted it after every attempt... though I am thankfull for the blessings I have now. Life paths are not permenant, they are your blueprints so plan carefully, indeed. That is from someone who at times loses themselves, but I am still here today and hopefully tomorrow and so forth.... It is just a journey.....

Safire said...

I dont know if this is the right place to post why you should not kill yourself. I will post it here anyways. In 1985 I was raped at 14 by a 24 year old man. He was a friend of the family and not sure how my father (being a hardcore religous/and typical old time male belief system) would take it or believe me. I knew he would blame it on me because I wore a short skirt that night Hmm, (not no more) any ways this man came back into our home another day when I was alone and dragged me/ chased me/ all the while I kept on pulling my clothes back on screaming/ then he decided to act stupid and tells me I should have told him I did not want to do anything with him to begin with... after continues phone calls late at night from him threatening and scaring me I gave up the rights to my own phone line as a teen. I eventually tried to kill myself by overdose due to being afraid that I might be pregnant and to afraid to tell my parents what had happened... this was a person they knew but did not know had attacked me. I almost succeeded I planned it on a weekend when know one would be around and I was out for Friday night and did not come to till Sunday, when my mom seen me the first thing she asked was if I had my homework done....

So to persuade you not to well it was 10 years later and I had a beautiful daughter that would not be if here if I was not around. That marriage did not last and I went on to another my love.... regardless of the happiness I endure daily I suffer from a disorder I wont mention here. It has gotten worse the last 5 years and I have tried to do myself in 3 times since. Two of the times my daughter I mentioned earlier now 17 years of age whom is my (everlasting life) has found me and has actually went and got help so that and emergancy care. Which brings great pain to me she should not have to deal with this. However she loves life, she loves me her mom, she loves her family today. I have not always been faithful to those I love, I have not always been honest, deep down and on the surface I will always try to do my best by those I love and even strangers. I now have 20 years later from my first attempt at suicide 4 beautiful children. Death is just an easy way out, it is a fast and medicore solution to whatever problem you feel you may have. It is the chicken shit way out, if you have any guts (even if you feel guilty about anything you have done) You would look closely and carefully for a better solution step up to the plate and do some problem solving that does not involve harmin or ending the precious light that we all have. We all affect one another try to do your best to light the way for another person soul/spirit while we have this oppurtunity as a living being here on earth. Believe me, take it from someone who has tried 4 times and has regreted it after every attempt... though I am thankfull for the blessings I have now. Life paths are not permenant, they are your blueprints so plan carefully, indeed. That is from someone who at times loses themselves, but I am still here today and hopefully tomorrow and so forth.... It is just a journey.....

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure, but I wouldn't tell them that they're being selfish, cowardly, weak, chicken shit, etc. by considering suicide. Suicidal people are suicidal because they feel powerless. They need to be given a sense of control, of purpose. Just having a dog that relies on me (even if that's not really the case) is one thing that's kept me from checking out.

Anonymous said...

i'm prob gonna kill myself. my girl left me for some kid that licks dog dicks. I'm 2600 in debt and don't really see a way out of it. i want my girl back. life sucks and i hate waking up every morning. shit shouldn't be this hard for an 18 year old.

Jeff said...

If I wasn't such a coward I would ice myself with the 9mm I have sitting on my lap right now. I got hollow points so you know there aint going to be anything left of my cortex when I finally manage to drop the hammer on my shitty life.

Nobody knows I have the 9mm, the cops would arrest my if they found out I had it cause I dont have a permit or a safe to store it in.

The best thing is that nodoby... not a single person in this entire world would care if I ventilitated my head. I suppose someone might fight over who got to inherit my PC, car and motorbike... but nodoby would say... "Gee I miss Jeff, he was more than just a blip on the radar"

This is the best part, I'm the only person to blame for being the fuck up I've become.

Awsome!

Anonymous said...

I am tired of making decisions. I want love and affection. I am tired of everyonne depending on me. I cannot get over the physical and psychological abuse I had as a child. I am so lonely and tired. I cannot hear God speak. If I let anyone down it would be him. I am so tired of holding things together. I just want to escape reality.

Anonymous said...

1.sick of life
2.life is a journey not a destination and i think my journey has ended.
3.life really has no meaning.
4. my whole family is in debt because my poker addiction.
5. im only 19
6.i just dont know what to do anymore i thought i hit rock bottom but i fell threw a hole and hit the center of the earth.


life is just not for me

Anonymous said...

I am fourteen years old. I've been manically depressed for the past five years. In some ways, it has given me insights, but I've come to this conclusion:
Life is an unknown factor in an equation we will never understand. Perhaps there is no equation to speak of. Humans are driven by greed and selfishness, and society, culture, religion, and education are our only means of trying to create reasons to live. But life is fleeting. We do not stay here. We are small- unnoticeable, in fact, in relation to the universe. I am miserable and exhausted by the lack of understanding in this world. Being a young girl, no one notices me or takes my opinions seriously, and why would they? I once wanted to see and experience this beautiful world. But it is being devoured by us- the real parasites. The human species does not deserve to live. When I die, I will be forgotten and my flesh and bones will simply melt into the earth, which we have tainted with evil. I am done. I have been too long ignored, pushed aside, ridiculed and insulted. I am constantly miserable. I love you, and I hate you, and I apologize, world, for having been selfish and ignorant. If you want to die, then go peacefully. I will. In my last moments, I feel unusually calm.
But to motivate someone, you could say:
Everything is possible. You are the only solution to your problems. You can change, you can adapt, you can survive. People love you, or have. You deserve things: good things, nice things. There are so many you haven't done yet. Live. It's your only chance to do so. Once you go, you can't come back.

Anonymous said...

I have no guilt or pain, I just don't see what the point in living is. Or the point in anything. I just go through the motions living like a zombie... I act like everyone else, but inside nothing matters to me. It's just the way I view the world. I don't think I have any issues or anything. I'm not religious and I don't really care for people who are, I see them as cowards for clinging to a god that doesn't exist, hoping there's a purpose in our existence and that they actually matter. Or they are cowards for living inside the little box that this society has made for them and not thinking that maybe all the things everyone tells them may not be true... People create their own realities. I just want to find what is REAL. Not live in this world where people are so vain, superficial, greedy, and obsessed with money, fame, and success and will do anything to get them. I'm so sick of everyone. Including myself. I know there has to be someone who feels the way I do. Somewhere. The only reason I won't kill myself is because I feel like I need to find a reason to live. Something that will make me happy. That is all I have ever wanted. It seems like such a simple thing. Easy to get. But in looking for happiness, I get lost. If you can help at all or just want to talk here's my email address

atthebackofthebluebus@gmail.com

Jessy said...

I still struggle with ptsd, depression and suicidal thoughts, but one of the things that actually helped me was a friend of mine looked at me and said "I give you permission to kill yourself." It sounds like a strange way to save my life, but it put the responsibility on me. It wasn't the world that hated me, my parents that wouldn't accept me, or anything outside me that would kill me. If I was going to commit suicide it would be my choice, pure and simple. It was still a struggle but the responsibility and the idea that I didn't want to become a mere statistic--that I wanted to be remembered somehow--helped me on those long nights, even when I would see myself curled in the corner with blood running down my wrists(an impractical way to kill oneself, btw). [I saw visions like this for a long time from the ptsd] In the end, perhaps you could also remind them of the consequences if it doesn't work, which is often likely. They would be put in a hospital where their life would be severely restricted and their friends and family would be incredibly traumatized. If they are tired of dealing with the consequences of heir life, this is perhaps a good option.

Anonymous said...

My continued existence requires a great deal of work and suffering on my part and for countless other people and beings.

No matter how clean and efficient I am I still require finite resources to continure living. I have to eat and drink, clothe myself, and have a shelter. All of these thing come at a massive cost to the world around me.

Either directly; I eat food, drink water, and take up space.

Or indirectly; My heat and electricity come from burning fossil fuels that are slowly choking everything around us, my clothes and possessions are made by workers subjugated by ruthless inescapable capitalist oppression

Which leads me to another point

As long as I live I have to work, as a slave to an economic system I despise with every ounce of my body. The only way I could ever free myself from wage slavery is to become rich enough to live without working, but by doing so I continue to widen the economic disparity between my self and others in my economy. If I can't win without making someone somewhere loose I'd rather quit the game.

It's also important to note that I have one remaining member of my family left who is on her own way out, an agonizingly slow and unimaginably painful death at the hands old age. Her dementia and helplessness remind me that I have nothing to look forward to, I only have things to fear and dread.

My friends will miss me, as I miss the two people in my life that chose suicide, but they'll get over it. They'll move on just like we all did with my uncle and that friend from high school.

I'm an organ donor and I have instructions that my body be used as medical study cadaver, so no matter what my death with direct save lives.

Why shouldn't I?

Anonymous said...

A lot of interesting comments here. I like the ones that mention change. plaese don't ever 'challange" a prson considering suicide; believe me, as someone that's been there, you don't want to do that. I guess my cats are the only thing that keeps me going.

Anonymous said...

I just don't gt it, I am here like Jeff with a .45 instead of a 9mm in my lap. The hammer is cocked and I have written out my last will but I just can't do it. For some reason there is a voice that is calling me a pussy for not just putting the muzzle to my temple and pulling the trigger, but for some reason that just isn't an option. The best thing I can think of that holds me back is the dog that I have back at home, I have some sick sense that tells me if I fuckin' do it that she will somehow feel sad that I am gone. Now I am a human and know that there is no fuckin' way that a dog would feel that, but it is the only thing that keeps me going. I sure hope that dog never dies, 'cause that would probably be the end of me on this Earth.

Anonymous said...

I've decided, after reading a lot on suicide because my cowardice hasn't allowed me to kill myself yet, that suicide is my only option. And frankly I dont understand that if I'm old enough to decide everything else about myself, then why isn't there I suicide booth on every corner - why hasn't humanity embraced the freedom to choose everything? Anyone with a bit of balls in business would see the money making potential over a product like that. Sure the religious sheep would try to force us to believe it isn't our choice, even the non-religious among us go on about it being "the easy way out" or "selfish", but it is NEITHER of those, Its a FUCKLOAD harder then you idiots think, and I think demanding someone stay on this filthy planet so that you wont feel guilty for the rest of your life is even more selfish.

The wind is my voice said...

I almost did it, 10 minutes ago..wow it's so windy up here! even now I still feel empty and I see alot of people here say they feelthey won't be missed.I know I won't be, never done anything wrong, never done anyone wrong and yet at 19..the world blames their problems on me. I could tell you how tough I have had it but in honesty everyone is looking for a reason to feel like their life truly matters...not the temporary comfort on knowing they understand and are understood by someone else. I bet there is alot of people that feel like we should stop being told to stay and that we are 'sick'. We find comfort in knowing we can control our life like nothing else could, choosing whether it ends like a half built bridge or we choose to stop at that edge and stay there because that view..is the only thing that does not hurt to look at, even in death..I smiled at it .I was so empty and yet death of all things fulfilled every answer to my problems all but one thing..how do I wake up after so I can get my second chance? oh that's right..you only get one. One chance in Life, no re-rolls..yes this pain is unbearable and that solution is just a breath away, no one can ever tell you it is going to be okay YOU can only tell yourself..I have to go they found me and are worried..would you believe? I see flashing lights..plus this things battery is as close as I was..so I give you the one thing that stopped me.Who's going to live your life tomorrow? I'm not..are you? better start rolling..

Anonymous said...

A friend of mine was suicidal, he is gay and deeply in the closet around anyone who he interacts with outside of the internet. His parents are somewhat abusive and frankly he just doesn't have a good home life.

One day he came to me and because I had helped him to feel better int he past he asked if we could talk. I of course said yes, and we chatted for a while about what was going on. He mentioned that he was considering offing himself, because he wasn't needed and no one really liked him.

I assured him that I liked him, then convinced him of this because of all of the talking we had done, and the talking we were doing. Then I went on to remind him that he was needed. He tutors kids for free so that they can succeed in school. It took a few minuets and he was feeling good enough to try the next day. He never had another episode that I was aware of and seems to be doing fine now.

Anonymous said...

I am a mother that is losing her kids only because I tried to do the right thing and be a good person. I got screwed. Everyone around me is nuts and they tell me I am the crazy one? I have pets and kids but still want to die. I have recently become homeless because I wanted to be decent to my ex, but he obviously doens't feel the same way so is trying to screw me. He doesn't know my kids or even try but everyone is getting screwed and I am the only one to blame. I am so sick of trying. Just filed a restraining order against someone I thought was my best friend. My nephew had 2 of my pets but he went nuts and I thought he would beat my dog, and think he did but no proof. What do you do when homeless and no one wants to help because I am white and college educated. I am not supposed to be "one of those!" I recently called 911 on a girl that was being beaten in an alley and now I am paying for being a person that calls 911? WTF? I slit my wrist a little over a year ago and at that time a friend came to the door and I didn't want him to find me like that so I bandaged myself and put a bandana around my arm so he wouldn't notice. I still wish I was dead so why do I not do it? Is it only because I don't know if there is a God that punishes us for suicide? My kids are with their dad and no one else seems to care so why am I even writing this and not just offing myself. Give me one reason to keep going! I have taken pshycological tests online and can't figure out what is wrong with me besides situational depression. I really do try to find outlets and come up short each time. I don't trust anyone. IS this my goodbye message? Time will soon tell.

Anonymous said...

I have thought about killing myself a number of times. Now I casually joke around about taking my life but that wasn't always the case. I am 26 years old and still have yet to graduate college. One reason I have taken so long is that I am manic-depressive. It's not that bad anymore but from age 20 to 24 it was very bad when it was bad. Since the age of 24 it hasn't been that bad because I have finally found the right combination of medication. I have pretty much tried everything as far as anti-depressants and mood stabilizers go. I have become aware of changes in my mood over the years and I can tell that I am going to be ok for a while. Of course, I do not think I am not going to get depressed again. I am pretty depressed right now in fact. Let me remind you I am posting on this site. That was a joke. I am depressed because I have so much work and I am behind and constantly stressed. That is how I got depressed in the first place when I was an innocent 20 year old. Continuing this suffering doesn't make much sense really but I must press on. I have a sense of urgency I didn't have before. I'm 26 years old (yet another joke). The pills aren't really helping me right now. My stress, lack of sleep, and lack of pleasure cannot be cured by taking pills. If you want to know the answer to depression that drug companies do not tell you about the answer is physical exercise. I am stuck in my head; I need to get in touch with my body. I need to get out of my head and invest myself in different things other than my work. Exercise is very important but other hobbies are essential. Socializing is essential-socializing with people you like that is. I know I will be defeated if I don't do these things. But unlike before I am not willing for my well-being to take priority over my work. You see, after the first time I was depressed, it hurt me so bad that I would rather fail in school than get depressed again. It sounds like I am setting myself up to be depressed again. I don't have a choice anymore. I must battle through my ADD and get my work done. Once I do I can begin to exhale and take in the beauty in front of me. I can tell you right now I don't see any beauty at all. I know it's there though. Even on a cold day in the middle of the winter it is there. Okay maybe not on every cold day in the middle of winter. It is a state of mind. Everything is a state of mind. That is why it can get so bad sometimes. I can make it as bad or as great as I want. But there are certain things I have to take care of first- real things. So to address the whole wanting to kill myself thing. It's not a good idea. Please don't do it. The comments people posted are good. "The only certainty in this life is change" Things will get better. I ended up on this page by googling "why shouldn't I kill myself?" I am not saying I don't think about it. I do. But I would never do it because there is no turning back. It is time to take responsibility. I know I can make my life better if I work towards making changes to make my life better. Who knows you may have a beautiful wife/handsome husband and beautiful children one day who never need to remind you how beautiful life is simply because they are starring right back at you.

If life isn't working out for you, the worst thing you can do is fail. Failing isn't that bad because you can always try again. When you succeed you are going to feel that much better about yourself. Stop blaming and judging yourself. You can only be you. Guess what as long as you aren't killing or intentionally putting anyone through pain you are probably doing oright. I truly believe the point of live is to struggle in a way. After all that hardship easing in to a moment when you aren't struggling makes it so much sweeter and fuller of an experience. If I am struggling 90% of the time and not struggling for only 10% that is not that bad of a life.

Anonymous said...

I have thought about killing myself a number of times. Now I casually joke around about taking my life but that wasn't always the case. I am 26 years old and still have yet to graduate college. One reason I have taken so long is that I am manic-depressive. It's not that bad anymore but from age 20 to 24 it was very bad when it was bad. Since the age of 24 it hasn't been that bad because I have finally found the right combination of medication. I have pretty much tried everything as far as anti-depressants and mood stabilizers go. I have become aware of changes in my mood over the years and I can tell that I am going to be ok for a while. Of course, I do not think I am not going to get depressed again. I am pretty depressed right now in fact. Let me remind you I am posting on this site. That was a joke. I am depressed because I have so much work and I am behind and constantly stressed. That is how I got depressed in the first place when I was an innocent 20 year old. Continuing this suffering doesn't make much sense really but I must press on. I have a sense of urgency I didn't have before. I'm 26 years old (yet another joke). The pills aren't really helping me right now. My stress, lack of sleep, and lack of pleasure cannot be cured by taking pills. If you want to know the answer to depression that drug companies do not tell you about the answer is physical exercise. I am stuck in my head; I need to get in touch with my body. I need to get out of my head and invest myself in different things other than my work. Exercise is very important but other hobbies are essential. Socializing is essential-socializing with people you like that is. I know I will be defeated if I don't do these things. But unlike before I am not willing for my well-being to take priority over my work. You see, after the first time I was depressed, it hurt me so bad that I would rather fail in school than get depressed again. It sounds like I am setting myself up to be depressed again. I don't have a choice anymore. I must battle through my ADD and get my work done. Once I do I can begin to exhale and take in the beauty in front of me. I can tell you right now I don't see any beauty at all. I know it's there though. Even on a cold day in the middle of the winter it is there. Okay maybe not on every cold day in the middle of winter. It is a state of mind. Everything is a state of mind. That is why it can get so bad sometimes. I can make it as bad or as great as I want. But there are certain things I have to take care of first- real things. So to address the whole wanting to kill myself thing. It's not a good idea. Please don't do it. The comments people posted are good. "The only certainty in this life is change" Things will get better. I ended up on this page by googling "why shouldn't I kill myself?" I am not saying I don't think about it. I do. But I would never do it because there is no turning back. It is time to take responsibility. I know I can make my life better if I work towards making changes to make my life better. Who knows you may have a beautiful wife/handsome husband and beautiful children one day who never need to remind you how beautiful life is simply because they are starring right back at you.

If life isn't working out for you, the worst thing you can do is fail. Failing isn't that bad because you can always try again. When you succeed you are going to feel that much better about yourself. Stop blaming and judging yourself. You can only be you. Guess what as long as you aren't killing or intentionally putting anyone through pain you are probably doing oright. I truly believe the point of live is to struggle in a way. After all that hardship easing in to a moment when you aren't struggling makes it so much sweeter and fuller of an experience. If I am struggling 90% of the time and not struggling for only 10% that is not that bad of a life.

Anonymous said...

I forgot all about writing this.
I found my happiness: the people in my life. Build relationships. Completely honest, caring, loving relationships. Real love is really knowing someone, and letting them be who they are. You should want to make them happy, and it will make you happy in return. If they treat you horribly despite the kindness you bring to them, don't let it get you down. See that they are only mean because they are not happy. Forgive them immediately. But if all they want to do is hurt you, avoid them. Because you may just cause more damage than good. No one deserves pain in their life. But it will happen. You just need to stay strong and do what is right, it will benefit you and everyone else. You are not the only one in this world. It so much greater than you, more than the human mind can imagine. Live for this world, know your place in it. Help it run smoother, don't fight it by pushing people out of your life and being cruel. That will NOT help you. Man was not meant to be alone. Being cruel will not benefit anyone, especially not yourself. You want to be happy don't you? But you are one person out of billions. We are one planet, in one solar system of one star out of so many others that we will never be able to count them. Ever. One day the sun will die out and we won't be around anymore. Maybe we will be lucky and live in space, but mankind was made on this planet. We can't survive without it, we are a part of it. It will end. It's important to know that. Nothing we accomplish really matters. Nothing matters at all. There is no point. We (as the human race) will not be around one day, and no one will be here to remember that we ever existedr. We only matter to each other. So live for each other. While we're here on Earth, why not make the best of it? Love everyone and everything. Let the world grow and try to help make it beautiful. It really is beautiful, just open your eyes. If you concentrate on the negative in the world, of course it will be the only thing you see. I know it's hard to just "think positively." It sounds so stupid and cheesey. I used to be so negative and so unhappy. Somehow, I got myself out of it and I am happy every day. I go through negative feelings still, but I move on from them. I let myself feel what I need to, figure out how to handle the situation, then move on. Why waste my time? There is so much more out there I still want to experience so I'm not going to dwell on one thing.
(...continued, I write too much to fit it all)

Anonymous said...

(2)
continued:
You just need to think deeply and try to figure out what is making you sad. For me, once I started living for myself and not doing what everyone else told me to do, but doing what I think is right, I've been much happier. But the way I choose to live my life has a lot to do with it, not just the fact that I do what I want now. I want to make other people happy. I do what is right no matter how much it may hurt me. If I screwed something up, I need to own up to it. I try to be honest all the time. It's hard, but I get so much out of it. Even if I think telling the truth will ruin everything for me, it doesn't. I never want to do anything that would hurt anyone to benefit myself. I fix problems I see and try to be productive and helpful to people and the world around me. People see the way I behave, and they enjoy being around me, which in turn makes me happy. Not everyone likes me, not everyone will. You can't please every person. But if you are kind to everyone, you will quickly learn which people you would want to be close to. You will gain respect and acceptance. Which makes you feel good. Everyone wants to be accepted. Like my boyfriend has taught me, people need to be accepted by others to be happy. It's why we get up every day and dress a certain way and take care of our hygiene. Acceptance is the basis of so much of what we do. Although, of course, we don't necessarily want to be accepted by people we don't think are in the right mind. We would rather be accepted by people we look up to.
(continued...

Anonymous said...

(3) continued:
Since I started living my life this way, things seem to go my way. What I want helps others, helps the world. I am rewarded for that. It is strange, I do not believe in a god, but I do believe this universe is a living, working thing. We are just tiny pieces of it and we will probably never fully understand it. If you start working with the world, it works with you. It can be very difficult at times, but stay strong. Anything worth having is worth working hard for, and happiness and love are the only things worth having. Love is all you need, as silly as that may sound. You can love every single person in this world. It isn't just between a man and a woman. You should love everyone. Try to understand them. Help make their lives here enjoyable. If we could all do that for each other, we wouldn't need to create the idea of a heaven. We would all be happy. Accept your fate, you will die one day. And you will be completely alone in that experience. No amount of love could ever change that. But why live alone too? If you truly want to be happy, love is the only way. If you're getting a little confused on what I mean by love, it is knowing someone (and wanting to know every facet of them) so well that you feel what they feel. You understand them. You treat them as you would want to be treated. You want to know them and accept them for who they are. I tried to figure out what love was, and the only person I loved was my brother. I thought about how I felt for him. If he were to die, I would be missing a piece of myself. I know who he is, and I love that person. Even the flaws- we all have them. They make us human. To me, flaws are beautiful- I want to make him happy, his happiness is a part of my happiness. It's just the same with any other emotion he has. When he is hurt, so am I. Someone else I learned a lot about love from was the man I am in love with now. He is the most loving, accepting, beautiful person I have ever met. I am so lucky to have even met him, let alone be loved by him. I wouldn't be with him if I was still only thinking about myself and the pain I was going through. You need to accept the pain, learn as much as you can from it, and move on. Love yourself. Know yourself. Then you can begin to understand other people and love them as well. Loving someone you can be with every day until you die, tell them everything and learn everything about them, and be passionate with (yes, THAT kind of passion), is the most amazing thing in the world. I was happy before I met the love of my life, but he definitely improved by happiness a great deal with the love we have between us. You don't need a significant other to be happy. Like I said earlier, you could love everyone in the world, and you should. Once you learn how to love, you will have amazing relationships. It will take time. But really, it's the only thing worth doing.

Feel free to contact me, I would love to help anyone in need:
Madeline Goodman
atthebackofthebluebus@gmail.com