Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Why Shouldn't I Just Kill Myself?

I logged in to my web site statistics counter, and was mildly shocked to learn how people have found my blog recently. Most folks find their way here via a google search, and by far the most popular search was something along the lines of "how to kill yourself". Here's a list of some searches that led people to the Broken Brain:

"best way to kill yourself" -USA
"how to kill yourself" -Britain
"suicide how not to kill yourself" -USA
"how to kill yourself with a shotgun" -USA
"ways to kill yourself" - Canada
"shotgun brain alive" -USA
"how to kill yourself with medicine" -Japan
"how to kill yourself with alcohol" -USA
"cool ways to kill yourself" -USA
"succesful ways to kill yourself" -USA

..and there are lots more. But, I mean, COOL ways to kill yourself? Hell, I guess if you're gonna go, might as well go in style, right?

On a more serious note, it's not the sort of publicity I was hoping for, but it's there, and it's relevant to the title of my blog, and I've decided to take some action. I want to make a permanent link visible near the top of this page to address the issue. I want to link it to a post which will hopefully include many good reasons NOT to kill oneself. For this, I need your help, and I ask to you contribute by leaving a comment to this post, and tell us why we should choose to keep on living. To get the thought process going, you can start by reading a related previous post called Analyze This.

So, question of the day: Why should I not kill myself?

Well, don't just sit there! Get typing!


mmChronic said...

As instructed here I am. :)

Though totally frivolous the fact there's new gaming hardware like Xbox 360 and the PS3 are just around the corner shoud be enough to keep a gaming freak from suicide for a few months yet. ;)

Oh and it's spring - yay!

Ian said...

Why not? Because millions of people throughout history have died fighting to earn or defend the rights and prosperity we seemingly have thrust upon us, and which we often take for granted.

Also -- another reason not to kill yourself is because suicide is often wrongly romanticized. For instance Kurt Cobain or Hunter S. Thompson did it, and so the people who idolized them in life begin to idolize their death as well. But we have to take death for what it is -- a cold, bloody extinction that leaves a rank odor of decomposition in its wake. Try this: if you can go to the library and read about the Spanish Inquisition, the Holocaust, the Cambodian Killing Fields, the Rwandan Genocide, etc. and think to yourself, "Wow, that's glamorous! I would love to die like those millions of poor saps!," then, perhaps, your death wish carries some credence. But if you're like the other 99.9999% of people suffering suicidal ideation, you'll see the horror of such historical atrocities, and that deep-seated revulsion towards death will provide you the answer to whether or not killing oneself is a viable option.

Stuart Ressler, M.D. said...

Consider this: If you've reached the point where you are determined to die by your own hand, you have nothing left to lose. So I ask you to do just one thing: Talk to someone first. A friend, a neighbor, a doctor -- if you feel you don't have anyone, just call someone you've known in the past. If someone's hurt you, call them and let them know how you feel.
If you're feeling guilty and dirty, confess to someone. We all have our secrets, our shortcomings. You may think you're a dirty, failed person, but in fact you're probably just average in that respect. If you're in pain, talk to a doctor. Pain can be treated.
So: talk to someone. The internet is not a substitute for a living, breathing human being.

The decision to kill oneself is sometimes vindictive. A means of revenge, a malicious act, aimed at hurting others. The realization of a selfish, desperate need to have power over others. That power is fleeting: As Ian pointed out, suicide leads to nothing but a reeking corpse and oblivion. Instead of achieving the ultimate victory, you will suffer the ultimate defeat.

Finally, to expand on the pragmatic approach I took in a previous post on this blog:

We have the power to end our own lives at any given time. Therefore, if we choose not to do it now, we will always have that option later. We can take comfort in that -- no one can take that option away from us, and therefore it's not absolutely necessary to do it right now. We can always postpone it, and still keep that option. So - don't do it now, because it's final. If you're certain you've exhausted all the other options, it just might be worth waiting a little longer to see what happens. You have had happier times - life happens in cycles, and you will see better times again.


Anonymous said...

Thank You Stuart.

Anonymous said...

maybe you should I don't know your reasons but you do, make a pro and con list what have you got to gain or lose by the way if you made a blog your propably looking for an alternative so find it, if you were serious you'd have done it by now or at least not left it open forum for dissusion good luck with your choice

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

I’m not going to give anything too complicated, no clever jumble of words to make me sound intellectual, I’m going to answer that question simply and effectively, because if there really was a suicidal reading this page he would skip through all the long structured essays shown above and go for the quickest answer, I’m not catering this argument for a debating team but for some kid, Like me who needs help...and here it is...No, Simple, no! and the answer, the answer that drives us, Why? because even though there are times when pain is too great, there is still something worth living for... But here’s a little something to inspire those who truly suffer with Suicide...Nothing goes to waste, Nothing, everything you go through will make you a stronger person, everything, Look at the greatest people in life, they have had extremely hard lives but they have been able to rise above it and be victorious in life, Beethoven, Mozart, James Joyce, Isaac Newton, Chuck Palahniuk (author of Fight club) Bret Easton Ellis, so many great people, and I could go on, and on , and on but the point is simple, you can be something great! That’s what is keeping me alive…Hope! There it is simple, a reason to live, because you are worth something even if no one else thinks so! You are!

Anonymous said...

well i think i should ,i was raped 5 years ago and was never able to fully recover from.am an intensely private person and even though my family thinks they know me very well they probably dont.Lat year i met this guy that i confided in about my past and he accepted me as i was and i thought maybe there was hope for me yet.He shocked me two weeks ago when i discovered he got married over a weekend and didnt even bother to tell me.What's worse is that am two months pregnant a fact that he is well aware.Do i have a reason to go on I think not.

Anonymous said...

you SHOULD kill yourself if you want to. i tired 3 weeks ago and failed so i'm still trying to find out how to do it and make sure it works before i try again so i've just been looking up ways on the internet. if life sucks than fuck it and blow your brains out(if you have a gun but i don't so it's not as easy for me)

Anonymous said...

I wish i knew how without ruining the insurance money for my family. I only get sadder and sadder and no therapy helps, no drugs nothing. So why bother? How many more years do you go on feeling like this?

Anonymous said...

why not
im suicidal
i just took a test saying that if you scored 54 or higher you are severly depressed
i scored a 73
my advice
cut your wrists
it bleeds like hell

thomas said...

dont do it.and i will tell you why i love you. god loves you. ya it sonds dumb but its true i dont know all the stuff going on in your life but i know ther is a way through the pain and the hurt the sadnis the and the hate god can help you deal with yor pain and sadnis i have alot of stuff going on in my life im dealin with going to jail on jun19 for about 3 years i have a dad who is a drug atic my mom cant be happy anymore the only thing that i have is my god and my girlfriend. just turn 2 god if you want i will tell you how email me at yadeeznutts@yahoo.com just know you have god

Anonymous said...

To the person who was raped five years ago. I must humbly tell you that I do have a reason why you should go on. (I don't have an enduring reason for myself, as I'll explain, though.)

You have experienced pain, disrespect, and violation in a horrible way. And it makes life very uncomfortable now.

As for the jerk who got married without telling you, he is clearly a fraud. I'm sorry.

But you know what, there is a real one out there. I'm sure of it. I have met great people. (One of these people actually has a town named after him.) With such a person there will never be shame about you in his mind, only patience. You don't have to believe me.

But life will have so many twists and turns YOU CAN'T PREDICT IT. (Your name here), there is just no way to.

Hopefully good things in store for you. You may really meet that person. I hope you do. Yes, life in a few years will not resemble now.

I'll tell you about me... I have some kind of stupid disease which is making my brain degenerate. Slowly. Memory trouble, mood trouble, much more. I could accept the situation, I think, if this disease hadn't hit the two generations above me, eventually killing my grandfather, and turning my mother into some thing quite unrecognizable from what she was before.

As for myself, I can't stand the long goodbye.
I hope you remember what I wrote.

I wish you the best.

-- one person in the western United States

p.s.(I would suggest some self-defense classes so that nobody will ever mess with you again. Really. They are not all Karate. Consider Krav-Maga.)

Anonymous said...

First off what is the reason for killing yourself? If it's depression, there is meds for that. If it's relationship problems there is psychotherapy for that. What is the reason for ending your life???

Anonymous said...

The reason some people wanna kill themselves is because they are battling themselves.... I know I am one of them I have soo much crap in my life .. It's like I have a double life at school im happy and always joking around and at home the arguing and problems get me upset and I start to blame everything thats going on around me on me....like its my fault...even right now I feel like ending my life but I'm not cuz it's not worth it... if you think about trying to commit suicide think about the good times you have and know that good times will happen again... Recently I lost a friend who got shot and died... that was hard for me and still is because not even one day goes by without me thinking about him and thinking that he will never get to do things.... I feel a little better since I wrote this.... But if you need help or just want to talk to someone or if anyone needs someone to talk to and not be judgemental ....email me @ xcrazyxsekax18@yahoo.com I will try to help cuz I give better advice to other people then to myself.... LOVE ALL YA

Andrej said...

A level of despair is reached, where people are willing to die to punish their tormentors.
William Kammeraad-Campbell, a retired Miami University professor of political science

Anonymous said...

why do people say it is wrong to kill yourself do the same people say it is wrong to go to war and kill other what about people who drink wine and take drugs this world will never change human are evil we have and will kill each other nothing will change it not even religion or education or the family we will go to war and kill other people look at the state of the world wars and killing everyday and what about when we become old who will look after us you will need a lot of money to live in this world the children growing up will not want to pay their taxs to keep old people there will be a great deal of suffering to come I would sooner die soon than to experince more suffering why and for what reason so as not to upset my family why should I care about them or anybody else it is their problem not mine if they or anybody is upset grow up

Anonymous said...

A level of despair is reached, where people are willing to die to punish their tormentors.
William Kammeraad-Campbell, a retired Miami University professor of political science

thats so true i want to die to put my step-family throught the same pain the have put me throught every day of my life

Anonymous said...

I heard that a girl wanted to kill herself and i thought wow thats really sad that a person would even think about a thing like that and now i have been thinking about it alot lately, i dont know what the meaning of my life is i really feel like taking my life but hopefully i pull through this stage and move on and see the better things in life then focusing on the bad things that happen in life

Anonymous said...

Hey, life sucks for sure, but if you're gonna die, wait until you can possibly save a life doing it. That wouldn't be a bad way to go out

Anonymous said...

i can't think of one reason not to do it. paamkvx. ok, maybe one reason. but that's only enough to want me to make it look like an accident.

Anonymous said...

how can i justify going on when i am part of the most-hated, most-despised group of ppl in this country today? bsjjj.

Dan said...

If you're suicidal please read this article to the end - it may be a useful distraction from the pain you are feeling ... best of luck whoever you are, may your suffering diminish.

I'm assuming that you're depressed or in a state of panic that would have a similar effect to depression.

I am a person who has struggled with depression a lot in the past. Suicidal ideation has featured heavily in my life, countless times I have though about, researched and planned my own death.

The best and most watertight argument against this decision -and it is a decision - that has ever occurred to me is this:

Would you do choose to do your taxes when you're drunk?

would you deliberatly take an important test when you were deleriously sick with the flu (if you had the option not to)?

Of course not! Can you imagine any sane person doing that on purpose!? Can you imagine how that person would feel when they felt normal again? Not a wise decision!

Well being depressed is like being drunk or sick - you can't think rationally when you're depressed. In fact, irrationality is part of the definition of depression! To be rational you can't be biased - but depression causes you to have a negative bias - thats one of the main symptoms! (1).

Do you trust a salesman who's clearly after a commission?

- of course not, because he/she is clearly biased! Well your depression biases you! This is a pretty damned important decision -are you going to trust such a biased person?!

You may say - 'thats all fine stranger, but I can't take this any more - it hurts too much'. I understand where you're coming from - trust me I do. But I'd give another example:

would you kill yourself because you have the flu/chicken pox/a cold/basically any disease or condition which will resolve itself?

probably not. Now you may say, aaah but my depression won't cure itself, because I've had it many times before/ because what I'm depressed about will never change ... and so on...

But those are all rationalisations - how can they be rational if you are biased? Lets look for a negative bias in those thoughts:

"my depression won't cure itself because I've had it many times before"

- how do you know? You're predicting the future but have you seen the future? What about the flip side to that? My depression will cure itself because it has done so many times before!

"what I'm depressed about will never change"

- again, how do you know? you don't have a time machine - it may change - or how you feel about it may change. Or maybe not - again you can't decide because you probably just latched onto the maybe not - in fact the more depressed you are the more of a maybe-notter you become!

In conclusion - you are thinking irrationally - cure that symptom and the suicidal thoughts should disapear. Prove conclusive that it is not a rational decision to commit suicide!

Again best of luck - but I don't believe in luck - so just keep trying - throw everything but the kitchen sink at your problems - do not give up - honestly, I'm talking to myself as much as you. May both our sufferings end as soon as is possible ... and for good!

Thank you for reading...


(1) http://health.howstuffworks.com/understanding-depression-ga3.htm

Anonymous said...

I wanted to do it so many times since I was 12, I'm 17 now but I just cant do it, mostly because I don't want to offend God. But each times I think about it the urge become stronger. I probably going to do it sometime in my life. But not yet.

Anonymous said...

i have been thinking about suicide for about 6 months now. And, everytime i come close to making good on my plan, i have found hope or a reason to live.

i have suffered from depression all my life. I remember when i was 12 yrs old i was trying to figure out which method would be the easiest for a kid to do. I am now 38, and it seems nothing has changed.

I have been through years of therapy, and i am on anti depressants. I have tried homeopathy and chinese medicine. But nothing is going to take the pain away that is so deep within me. This will never go away. Sure i can spend the rest of my life "managing it". But in reality i will never be free of it.

I believe there are some people who are suicidal and things will get better for them. But i have been through a few cycles of this now, and i know that talking to people who don't understand what you have been through is not helpful.

I see a therapist, but i cannot be with that person everyday to guide me through retraining my thoughts from negative, self hating to postive, self loving. It will take a long time to reframe 38 years of internal dialogue.

And, quite frankly, i am tired, and exhausted from living one day at a time. From the ups and downs...from having hope but then realizing it is quickly replaced by reality.

I am tired of having to force myself to get up in the morning, make breakfast and make an effort to get of the house to interact with people.

I am tired of being off work because i can't concentrate or focus on anything.

I am tired of thinking that there is a God/Creator out there who wants me to learn about something in my life. Quite frankly, i don't care who i am anymore. I will not know who i am without this depression. It has dogged me my whole life and unless there is some miracle bestowed upon me, i will continue to struggle everyday to want to live.

I don't think that is really what life is meant to be. Thinking about suicide is not a frivolity one toys with.

It is because life is very difficult. And there are some of us who have really tried to make life work for them. But sometimes it is too hard, because you have no more strength and love in you to give yourself. And, the well you need to drink from was almost dry in the first place....and you have no partner, your friends have families now, family members have families of their owntoo . You are left on your own to fend for yourself. something you have been doing all your life.

I still hang in there, hoping it will get better. But i am not going to wait forever, and i have set a timeline that is fixed.

I know what suicide does to friends and family. My mom committed suicide when i was 21. But i also know that my mom was suffering tremendously and that this was her only option. I do not blame her for this.

And yes, if that date comes to bear, and nothing as changed, then i will feel like i have tried almost everything out there within economic reason. And, that effort should be considered in my next life.

so to those out there who are feeling suicidal. It is incumbent upon you to try to help yourself first. And, only after you have tried genuinely and honestly, would suicide be something you could consider.

It is difficult to live in this state, like your soul is always teetering on the brink of despair.

Anonymous said...

Help me. I want to. But I found your blog by typing "why shouldn't I kill myself?" which I guess is more hopeful that "how can I ..."

Anonymous said...

In response to Ian:
I feel really bad for those innocent people who died when they really just wanted to live and further their own lives...
I just want to silently leave this existants in the most painless way, and in the most media free sort of way...
I dont want to sound like a lil' bitch(which Im sure I do) but...I just cant stand all this crap that is going around me...I've tied for years to change my surroundings..I've done theropy...I've even moved out of state....And yet still, this existance seems pointless...Religion is a joke..If there is a God then where the hell is he?!?!?!?!How would OUR creator let all of this bullshit around us happen!?!? If it is a test of faith, then that only futher more justifies me "going to hell"...
Any god that lets a child get raped, an innocent mother killed on the road, on the way to see her children on a rainy night,EVERY SOLDIER THAT GETS KILLED FOR A WAR THAT FOR ABOUT HIM!!!!!!!!!
But on top of that I see my life, which has NOTHING to offer...How does one not want to kill him/her self??

Anonymous said...

In response to Stuart:

Well put...I will keep that in mind...


lo-ki said...

Killing yourself is an easy way out...
My parents always told me to face problems head on, and never to run away...
I know it might seem easier to "get it all over with", but think of all the things you havent seen,things you havent done!!! This world is a terribly cold and hurtful place, but at the same time there is some warm, beautiful places...you just have to find them for yourselves, suicide will do nothing but limit yourself to the true beauty of this planet...I mean just take a second and look at the clouds, or stars, NO WHERE ELSE can you see such beauty!!!!


Just like math...There is NO problem without a solution, unless you dont want to find it...

Anonymous said...

I can remember when I was about six years old, thinking of running away never to return. I tried but I always got caught or eventually turned back. As I got older I discovered what suicide was, but have only geniunely tried to kill myself once when I was 17. I'm now 20 and keep going back to that horrible place of depression. I read those blogs above of the reasons not to kill yourself, I especially like the one of all those great people who were once suicidal. So I hope I will keep going on with my life, even though my friends are all basically married and send me more junk mail than I can imagine- when all I desparately want is a friend to talk to who will LISTEN. I want to feel loved. I have never feel loved and cannot see that ever changing. I don't want to be like the lady who is 38 and still thinking of killing herself. I can see that being me in 18 years time, and if it will be I would much rather get it over with now.

But there is a small piece of hope in me somewhere, that maybe I might BE someone. Even if I am alone and maybe still depressed, I might help someone else??? Maybe.

Anonymous said...

My father feels me and my sisters up all the time, and mum doesn't care cos he's got money. so I have been thinking about suicide for a while. i think maybe i should go get help and then if I'm still bashing up the family's puppy I might hang myself on our balcony with a skipping rope.

Anonymous said...

It sounds like that most of the people here would like to end it all cos it would eb so much easier. But I think that nearly all of the people heere jsut want someone to give them a hand so they can get out of this dark hole. That's all I want, but all my mum ever says is 'at least you're not in a wheelchair', that's it. I just want someone to aknowledge what I'm going through. arrrgh.

Stuart Ressler, M.D. said...

Hang in there somehow. You could see if you can start a discussion going at http://mdhealthforum.com, in the mental health section

Anonymous said...

Now that I'm older and more analytical, and see that the only options I have are essentially to live or not to live...why live? I see no joy in it. It's like a bank account, in my opinion. All the good in my life has been sucked out for as long as I can remember, with nothing to replace it. I am overdrawn, underwhelmed, and unhappy with myself on virtually every level. I am Darwin's response to "why fucked up people are always alone," and I just don't care to live my years in pain, alienated even from the people closest to me, and unloved (truly) by anyone. I think I am a mistake, if not a mistake of God, a mistake of nature. I honestly can see no way to resolve my situation short of ending myself. I am wasting life, and have no opportunity (nor do I have the capacity) to be happy. Why not relieve the world of one unhappy person to make room for someone who will appreciate the gift of life? I have heard nothing but trite "people *do* care!" or the old scare tactic, "you'll go to hell, which is worse than here!" I don't believe either of those things. So tell me, why am I important enough to live, when someone else would appreciate my place on earth so much more?

I just can't deal with this anymore. I simply wasn't made for life.

Anonymous said...

"someone else would appreciate my place on earth so much more?"

Would they, really?

My apologies if I sound judgmental...I don't know your life circumstances, so I'm certainly in no position to tell you what you should do. Heck, I'm thinking of suicide myself. But just think of it for a moment--who, exactly, would "take" your place, Anonymous? It's not as if by killing yourself, you'll magically give someone else an opportunity they'd never had. I don't know how bad your life is, and maybe ending it would make you feel better. I'm almost certain, however, that it wouldn't make anyone else's life better. One person dying does not mean another person gets to live. Again, i don't know what's going on with your life, but...well, think about that, at least.

Anonymous said...

Just hope. false hope

Anonymous said...

If there is no point to this life but to live and die why try to prolong it. There are to many god damn people as it is.

Sarah said...

As a God-fearing person I usually have the common fear of ending up in eternal damnation.

But why should I kill myself?
1- I was sexually abused 3 times by 3 different people, because of that I am apathetic towards anything remotely sexual.

2- I recently discovered that my father was a pedophile who molested my aunt. The discovery somehow rebounded on ME and my entire family hates me now.

3- I very much dislike my family and I wish I had nothing to do with them. In fact, I'm planning to have my name changed.

4- I can't attend universities because people make me anxious and I start having panic attacks. It's ridicule and embarassing.

5- I go to an online college which my mother has decided that it is unfit and not valid. So basically I can't have any education at all.

6- I am bipolar. It has affected both my social life and my work life. I got fired from my job and I have driven literally all my friends away.

7- I can't find a job no matter how I search. I've handed out hundreds of resumes and it has amounted to nothing so far.

So to sum it up, my life is in shambles. I don't see a way out so a better question would be: why don't I just off myself and be done with it?

Anonymous said...

I feel as though many people on this blog dont understand the true nature of depression and suicide. It's not about taking meds or pyschotherapy, sometimes life becomes too hard to handle. people need relationships to survive (im not talking about romantic ones), when a person has no friends and no one to talk to life becomes meaningless.....there are studies that prove that those without friends suffer far more medical problems. Anyhow I was raped when I was just 14 by a boyfriend it continued on for 5 years along with physical abuse. After that, I became a horrible person I slept with m sisters boyfriend, cheated on numerous times with different bf;'s and as a result I DONT HAVE ONE FRIENd....Im in my mid twenties and i've been waiting for "things too get better for 8 years now....all those that say suicide is dumb and others have it worse dont know the feeling!!!! of coarse as a rational person i would never want anyone to harm themselves just as far as im concerned I dont know how much longer I can go on....

Anonymous said...

Most people tend to appeal to a persons positive side when dissuading others from suicide. I don't agree with that personally. If you ARE hopeless enough to commit suicide, no ammount of hope communicated to you by a stranger on the internet is going to help you. What might help you, in my opinion, is to encourage you to think about why you want to kill yourself. Is it because you are frequently wrong, you have enduered too much pain in your life, you are unlucky enough or inatentive enough to have lost everything important in your life, and/or you are afraid of enduring more pain? Well, think on this: You have been wrong/unlucky enough that you want to voluntarily give up everything. When you decide how to kill yourself, you will probably screw up, either not choosing a good method or not being succesful, based upon your current track record, causing you MORE pain. Second, No matter the method, if it consitently works, nobody can come and tell you how it feels. It might be worse than living on. Third, if you want to kill yourself, you are probably an athiest. Mabye you are wrong about and/or a victim of hell, which is perported to be eternal and far more painful than life. I don't beleive in hell myself really, but I might be wrong too! And lastly, you are reading/chatting/blogging about suicide on the internet. Why are you reading about it? When I get really depressed, brushing my teeth is a chore to be endured. Yet, I am still alive. I can't imagine being truly suicidal and having no hope, yet using energy to read what some jackass on the internet suggests. With the quality of life that I and most people I know enjoy, I have no sympathy whatsoever for someone that decides to die. If you decide to kill yourself, you are weak. (As a side note: if you are stupid enough to end your life to get someones attention or make them feel sorry for you, you SHOULD probably kill yourself, because that is ridiculous, and so are you for thinking it.) I hope that I was of some help.

Anonymous said...

I have been suicidal all my life,and actually tried to kill myself for three times;but hey,I'm still alive.

Today I'm 23,and I haven't tried to commit suicide for more than 2 years now.Looking back,I realise that I never intended to die in the first place,because I can cleary remember the fatal darkness of fear I swallowed,standing on the edge of death.I could of died,but somehow everytime I reopened my eyes to the living world.I guess people tend to forget that their most basic instict that insists to exist unconditionally all their lives,is the will to live;their life force.Once you witness that fear I mentioned;believe me,you overcome it by holding on to life..Well,maybe you'd have to do so for more than a couple times..if you are as stubborn as me.

For me,trying to kill myself but failing,helped me to survive.Ironic,really.People exceed their limits when confronted by death.They can overcome anything,using that fear for their advantage.It's funny you want to survive when you're dangered the most..that's what I thought.

Of course,I wouldn't suggest anyone do what I did.It's not rational when you can seek other means to cure your wounds.However,contrary to the common belief,those who carefully plan on how/when/why etc. they should commit suicide generally end up not even attempting.Being suicidal is only the first part of the whole story.What's dangerous,and can be fatal,is the second part;in which you don't plan anymore.You just wait for when you know you should go ahead;and just do it.Just like that,with no second thoughts.At that stage,if you do commit suicide and succeed,even close people you left around you won't be able to acknowledge your ''sudden'' suicide;because they never realised how depressed you were.

That's what a true depressed person does anyway.They hide it.

But that's all that I've experienced and heard,and read.It is certainly not the strongest argument out there.

Anyways,what I'm saying is,you will know when you are on the first stage,and the second stage.When you're on the first,please do something about it.Don't let the feeling linger.Seek help,talk to someone,get a new hobby,just anything to distract you from your inner conflicts.For severe depressions,however,it's not really that easy.

If you ever find yourself in that second stage,hold on right there.If you really really have to kill yourself,don't put so much effort to it.Hold back.If you've decided to cut yourself to death,just do it half-heartedly.Use minimum force,even if you want to die so badly..when you feel enough pain,and you will know when,you will see the fear.Let it flow in you,and stop.Don't give yourself the final blow.

Or maybe you wanna take some pills? Go ahead.Just don't swallow too much.

Do so you don't die,but do so you drive yourself into that fear.

Do all that if that's your last resort.It's much better than dying.Most of the suicidal people just need to feel the pain,and face the fear.When they do,a faint;but stubborn ray of hope will cast their confusion away.

I could list as many reasons why you shouldn't kill yourself as I could why you should.Many people have to go through pain,everyday,everywhere.This is not a matter of justice,it's a matter of reality to the double-edged sword we call life.

You are the one who should choose what to do about it.You could blame yourself,pity yourself,drive yourself insane,and eventually commit suicide and die..or you could be proud of yourself that you've gone through so much yet you managed to get stronger,thus keep on living,and die.Death is absolute,killing yourself is just quickening the process.But life,is something else.Do what you know the best;live.What do you know about death anyway? Do you really think it's salvation? End of all your pain? How do you know?

But you do know that life CAN be amazing.It is capable of making you happy,in a billion different means.It can excite you,thrill you,entertain you,keep you company,make you into something totally great.It all depends on you and you alone,how you wanna look at it.It can make you even more depressed in the end,but that doesn't mean you will get any better after life.So why not just keep on living and giving yourself a second chance?

These kind of thoughts kept me alive to this day.I still have many fights everyday within myself.Fighting my pain,my conflicts,my troubles,trying to heal my fragile being.Just to give you a note,I was admitted to mental hospital care for more than 7 years;because I had severe bulimia,depression,anxiety issues,I used to hear things,see things,and stayed in the catatonia stage for a good 3 years.I also didn't speak a word for 4 years.I lost most of my consciousness back then,apparently,and lived in a dream world.You could say my state was very close to that of a schizophrenic;but what do you know,even after taking a million plus pills,it was me who cured herself on her on will,not someone else.And I'm not even giving you the reasons why I ended up such a lunatic.

You have that power in you,believe me.Most importantly,believe in yourself.Nothing is worth your precious soul to cry in pain.You are not a shameful,pitiful person.You are worthy,even more so than you think;and there are people who can't live without you.

Don't think twice,don't think a million times..Spend all your freaking life thinking before you decide to kill yourself.Let the inevitable come to you;what's the harm in waiting? Why the rush? Take your time and try to enjoy the many things around you that can make you happy.You haven't seen them all.

psammead said...

Stay alive because life is beautiful (as well as horrible, lonely, depressing,etc)
Stay alive to help other people. Help lonely elderly people as a volunteer, help handicapped people, help family members. Contributing to the well being of others makes you feel less alone, less alienated from the rest of the world.
Stay alive because you don't know what (or who) is around the corner. It might be good, not bad!
Stay alive to have a child, they are a good reason for living, though they drive you mad at times you don't have the time to be suicidal any more. In fact you may feel you have joined the human race if you become a parent, I know I did.
Stay alive to love yourself instead of hating and despising yourself, Make yourself a valued friend, not an enemy, be kind and compassionate to yourself, and others in your life.

Anonymous said...

It is thanksgiving morning and I have been in such enormous pain for two days. I am 44 years old and my companion, Chip broke up with me 3 months ago. He has been exceptionally cruel and I am so lost. Last time we spoke a few weeks ago, he said he wished that I would kill myself(his exact words " he wished I'd commit suicide!), he said he hated me and that if he could get away with it he'd come to my house and beat my head in with a baseball bat. I have now been feeling less than human for 3 weeks. I'm not allowed to contact him...please someone ask him to apologize, I am in so much pain...chipyray@hotmail.com....I want to be happy and peaceful, but the person who was my soul mate wants to hurt me and wants me to die....

Anonymous said...

thanks all. i just kinda googled why I shouldn't kill myself, because I couldn't think of any cons on my own. so now I can make a well educated decision.
I think I may as well stick with wristing it. How emo of me.Have a great, safe life everyone.

Anonymous said...

I was told in June that a girl is pregnant to me. At first she told me she would have an abortion, i was relieved and learnt my lesson (dont leave birth control to the pill). Two weeks later she says shes keeping it and said she didnt care what I thought , she was going to have the baby. Iv been in hell since, this girl is overweight, stupid and a lieing bitch.

I cant stand the thought of telling my family and friends that she is going to be the mother of my child. The thought of her makes me sick, especially as she initially lied to me saying she wanted nor needed anything from me. Now says she wants child support and for me to get to know the baby.


Iv considered running away to another country but I know my concious will kill me for being a deadbeat dad and that my family will find out themselves and hate me for not telling them . This is not a temporary problem, Suicide is the only way out of not having to deal with this because i simply refuse to.

The baby will be born in February. Im going to get a paternity test just in case its not mine (even though im sure it will be). If its mine I plan to use all my savings for a holiday to asia and europe, see the places Iv always wanted to. Then im going to suicide and try and make it look like an accident for my familys sake.

Its too late nothing will change my mind. I refuse to let this bitch ruin my life. Ill be finanically and emotionally ruined and Iv had enough trouble living prior to this.

I feel sorry for the baby but I could never be a good father to a child I never wanted from a bitch that makes me sick. Id rather it heard that i died accidently than know i resent it for the rest of my life. I know I would.

I have tried to work out if i could love this child and situation but no fucking way. Suicide framed as an accident is the answer.


Anonymous said...

I'm 22. I recently withdrew from a prestigious university because I've lost the motivation to finish my degree. I'm searching for reasons why I shouldn't kill myself, and I believe I can make a rational choice here because I'm neither crazy nor depressed. What I'm trying to say is I don't have anything to forward to. If I take my last five years and extrapolate to the next five, I'll find myself in exactly the same spot. If I keep extrapolating... you get the point:
1. I used to think I have the making of a clever character, but college had disabused me of that vanity and therefore, I'm not anticipating a brillant career after college.
2. Chances are, and I'm usually not wrong about this, I won't meet anyone I like who will like me back because in general people make me nervous and no one likes to be treated like an object of fear. (It also doesn't help that I have the personality of a sour grape and the social graces of a toddler. )
So tell me, for the next ten or twenty years what do I have to look forward to?

im dieing inside said...


Anonymous said...

I've considered it many times, and I'm considering it now. But I realized at a very young age that I just wanted to hurt those that hurt me. I put a steak knife in my dad and he died three months later, I was put in something I can only call hell. Anything to 'god' was never returned, no hope, no help, no happiness. The drunk, fucking sadist of my father was a goddamn minister, so I refuse to believe that if there is a god, he gives a fucking shit. I am a part of the most hated group of people on the planet, and not because I choose to be, because it's what I am. Juggalo's only have each other, and there are none near me. I had the family to help me, the knowledge that someone was out there. It just can't matter anymore, because no one near me knows me. I don't matter to anyone, and those I loved are afraid of me now. Fuck it. I'd like someone to check out the song 'I'm alright' from Twiztid
I know it might not be your music, but for those just considering it for the first time, learn from me. Don't do it, remember those that have and hope your shit doesn't get that bad. And to those that have the same amount of despair, if there is an afterlife, and if you do decide to do it, I hope I get to see you.

Biblio said...

Um, well... I am actually one of those people who typed into Google, ‘Ways to kill myself. Wait, actually I typed in 'Reasons not to kill myself.' I scrolled down and read the comments and I found myself smiling at some of the responses. Not because I felt like killing myself any less... Heh, no. But because I saw that there are people making an honest effort to try and *maybe* make a difference in someone’s life. As I went along I felt my smile starting to fade and this time it was because there were people who felt the need to say yes, go kill yourself, I tried to, and so on and so forth. It bothered me that someone would take the time out and write something like that. Um, like they weren’t actually someone like me but someone who enjoyed seeing the teen/adult/person suicide rate go up. I can't really explain what I was feeling and I hope that maybe someone sees, perhaps, what I was.

Aside from that nothing anyone said here will make me stop from killing myself. I mean that's inevitable, but perhaps it has made me postpone my death. It took me so long to read it that by the time I was done my family was on their way home. Imagine that... But yes. So I'll say this to all the other suicidal teens out there:

Waiting isn't such a bad idea. If you're floundering and drowning in your own misery and you want to curl up into yourself for a bit longer go and do that. Make sure, make absolutely sure that death is the one thing that you want and not something that you *think* you want. I know for me it's something that I've been waiting for. I've tried, believe me and I'll try again because apparently the guy upstairs, if he's home, didn't want me to visit just yet and neither did the Shining Star below. So give it a bit of time and if you're really in that much pain take the knife and take the pills and do what you got to do. But remember, do it only if you really have to.

Anonymous said...

Life isn't a fucking stuggle, it's just a pain in the ass. I'm not thinking about suicide because 'I'm depressed' or have 'issues' i just have nothing worth living for. Now I know that sounds like a cliche but it's the true. No job, no girlfriend, few friends and little self esteem. The only thing that keeps me going is the fact that I would put everyone else through a world of shite if I actually kicked the bucket. People who have better lives than me would think "oh shit I didn't know he was that fucked up... maybe I should have done something" etc. So why should I fuck up everyone elses lives just to bring an end to my own? You are a piece of shit. Your life means nothing to you. So why should a worthless fuckup like you ruin anyone elses life just to end your own? Just think about that. By not killing yourself you are a hero, people might not appreciate it, but you're actually doing them a favour. You're life means more to them than it does to you. Take refuge in that. We're all gods creatures, we're just closer to god than most.

Anonymous said...

"Spanish Inquisition, the Holocaust, the Cambodian Killing Fields, the Rwandan Genocide, etc."

Aforementioned ways to be off'd which were very unromantic in nature.

Horrid and sublimely terrible as they all were, I would not mind in the least. Don't get me wrong, I don't believe I'm depressed enough by any standard to do myself in, so to speak. But I really don't feel as though I ought to go on being "alive." I don't believe in an afterlife and I suspect I'll rot soulless in the earth to be a plaything for the worms, which I suppose will not deter me in death. Perhaps I'm not what I ought to be, but it's never been an issue. I go about things as I always have, the universe seems to be made of circles, or at least a spiral too loosely wound to matter.

I don't seek advice. I guess... I've been reasoning for so long that it's all just the same train for me. Each station the same as the next. No romanticism, no juxtaposition... life and death have nothing between them.

Laurel said...

I need help. I don't know where to turn. I made a huge mistake that is tearing up the most beautiful thing I ever had. I cheated on my fiancée four weeks ago and we are trying to make it better. But he just called me tonight and said he doesn't think he'll be able to feel for me the way he used to. He feels miserable inside. He ended our engagement.

I can't see a reason worth living if I don't have his love. I know people will tell me, "Oh, you'll meet someone else if it doesn't work out." But I don't want to meet anyone else. He is my best friend, my love, my everything.

I don't want to punish anyone by taking my life. I don't want to hurt anyone. I just want to end this never ending suffering. Anything, including death, is better than what I'm feeling now.

Anonymous said...

I posted to this website on Thanksgiving morning, suffering in so much pain that I wanted to die. Today, 3 months later, I am so much better. Yes, I have moments everyday of real sorrow.But they are moments, I ride them out and look for something to appreciate.

That's all I can tell you all, ride it out, look for something ANYTHING to appreciate. Even on the cloudiest of days, know that they sun is always there.

Much love is here for those who just don't give up.

Chipyray@hotmail.com, will continue to host his own pity party and keep up his victim identity and preach the gospel of "poor me, nobody appreciates me..." I love Chip dearly, but I love myself more.

All is well here,

A friend of Abraham...

Anonymous said...

"In conclusion - you are thinking irrationally - cure that symptom and the suicidal thoughts should disappear. Prove conclusive that it is not a rational decision to commit suicide!"

If only it were that easy. Some people who suffer cannot cure their symptoms that easily. I have had a hell of a life so far.

I was born premature 3 lbs 7 oz, now I am about 6' tall, how is that for a growth spurt? When I was born I had numerous blood transfusions and some of my body was not all developed yet. These blood transfusions gave me the Hep C antibody in my blood from this. Growing up my parents were alcoholics and my childhood, although it could have been worse, was still difficult, a lot of mental abuse. My mother was committed 3 times to try to stop drinking but my father was able to stop without assistance. Then we jumped state to try to start new lives, when I was 13. My parents had promised that they were all cleaned up and wouldn't drink again. Then abuse with pain pills started with my mother after a car rear ended my mother and I in the car. My father started drinking and hiding it but stopped and came clean again. They have both been doing alright. They have had their fair share of difficulties (health issues) that has added additional stress to our lives. My mother fell and broke her right wrist which is horrible looking and she’s in pain everyday and is really limited in what she can do with that hand now. My father is on Social Security now for his back problems and anxiety.

I am now 24 and I have a BS Degree. Since switching states we have had 6 car accidents NONE of which were our fault. 2 of these involved me. For the first one someone had crashed into my driver’s side door at 60mph, I had to be helicopter to the ER. I had injuries and had to go through a few months of therapy but I was able to walk away. With a big bill because that person had no insurance, however, the place I go to was so caring they actually waved over 9,000 dollars worth of bills for me. That was in July of 05. In Feb of 07 I was hit in the rear while at a stop light. It was a much more mild accident than the first one, went to outpatient ER and for more therapy. From these 2 accidents I now have 1 herniated disc and 1 ruptured disc in my lower back (L4-L5, L5-S1). This causes me a great deal of pain. I am only 24 and trying to just get myself out and start my own life and I can’t even do that. I am trying to work right now but I have to keep calling in or leaving early because of the pain. I have a desk job that pays 17.75 an hour, it’s not like I’m not motivated. I have been doing my therapies, everything, still pain. I know my employer is upset with me because I keep missing days. “Pain can be treated”. Sure yes, but unfortunately the methods that are in use do not work for me. I do NOT want pain pills, the ones I need end up putting me to sleep. Plus I have an hour drive to get to work; I cannot be driving like that. Now I have to worry about Social Security paperwork, I’m only 24!!!! What is wrong with this picture? The only thing that provides some relief to my back is smoke-able and is illegal in the US. Not to mention, employers frown upon coming in under the influence, whatever that maybe (alcohol, pain pills, etc.).

I am home from work righting this now because I had to call out of work for my back again. Then I received a call this morning that my boyfriend just got into a car accident, a person ran a stop sign. I just can’t believe things keep happening. So I did a search on “Why not to kill yourself” in Google and found this page. I feel so trapped right now in my life because I have no options. The only reason I haven’t is because I want to see what happens with one thing in my life. When I was younger I was always making things out of nothing, kid stuff, like a rock cleaner out of a bucket, strainer and my mom’s twist ties. I used up all of her twist ties but it worked. At 16 I started drawing, I had my first advanced art class. I then discovered I could draw, and pretty well. I want to make a comic/manga series and have it made into a TV Series. I have been working on my idea for a year or so now. That the only thing keeping me here. I actually just want to see if I can do it or not. That’s it.

It can be any reason that you’d like to make it. It could even be just to see what happens period, where can you go in life? But there is no overall point. Now that I’m older I can look back at my childhood and understand where my parents were coming from. I understand a lot now about my parents and their actions and I don’t blame them for it. I have spoken with my parents and it’s sad but they both agree that life basically sucks. It is true, that life is what you make of it, however, it is also true that you can only work with what is there. In other words, you can’t make grass into gold. When I was doing research for the subject of my comic I came across a simple way of looking at it. Humans, our life or existence, is just like the life of any other species on this planet, to keep the species alive. I know some of you won’t like this, but I believe that’s where religion comes into play. Life is hard. How do you make it easier on people, how do you give people hope that there is something better or that there is a reason to this life? Religion. Whatever it is that works for you that’s great, hold on to it and embrace it because it is that which will give you strength.

Anonymous said...

Hey all

i had no idea people talked about this so freely....

if you want to kill yourself ask yourself this....


you may try to kill yourself for attention for some kind of peace... but remember this... Once you slip into that dark night its over Life beat you and you could have stuck around and been a fighter and won the battle

If your miserable

do something about it

you hate your life???? change it

we all f&%$ up so what thats what tommorow is for

never depend on another person to get you through something count on urself

you can do it

you can win this battle

no matter how old you are
no matter how hard it seems
show the world what your made of
and FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mikelos said...

the appropriate answer, the one you're seeking, is a question to yourself:

"why do you want to kill yourself?"

Anonymous said...

Well, this page of drivel just re-enforced my belief that there's nothing anyone can say that will make a bit of difference in how I feel.

Thanks for nothing.

Anonymous said...

hmm, sitting here, i often wonder about death. I have constantly thought about killing myself, but I know I never will. I'm not afraid of death, but I do not want to die. I have often found that I wanted to kill myself because of society. What I mean is that my parents, never having a girlfriend for my whole life, bellow average. To tell you the truth, the reason why I'd never kill my self is because even if society brands you, even though most of the time we brand our selves, there is no reason great enough to kill yourself. If anything, down the road I'll probably start a drug habit, probably lsd or meth and atleast I'll go out with a bang. The main thing to do is to forget about your worries and say fuck you, tommorrow I'm going skydiving and after that I'm going bang some hookers and dose up on meth.

Anonymous said...

I wish i knew how without ruining the insurance money for my family. I only get sadder and sadder and no therapy helps, no drugs nothing. So why bother? How many more years do you go on feeling like this?

Akula said...

I have no idea what to do anymore. I've been depressed in my life before, and felt suicidal, but nothing like this. Before it's always been past events that led me to feel that way. Now it's financial ruin coupled with past events that's making me feel like there's no way out.

I can't eat, sleep, or even think clearly anymore. Every day it gets a little worse.

I'm just at the end of my rope.

CAZ said...

I understand that we all feel passionately about suicide--whether or not it is right or wrong. I do not, however, understand believing we can provide an objective argument of life's value, let alone convince someone else that her/his life is valuable. Some may have something to gain from creating an ethic hostile to taking one's own life, but all such arguments seem to depend on whether or not the person who must decide (to end or not end her/his life) agrees with the premises (like we all have a responsibility to our communities that obviates suicide, or life is inherently too valuable for us to throw away). These value judgments have no objective truth. I don't mean to be argumentative, but unless there is a truth value to a statement, it seems it is an opinion or a prejudice. And just because the majority of physicians and lawyers and ministers may hold a given opinion (that human life is inherently valuable, and therefore should not be discarded) doesn't mean there is anything behind the sentiment other than a biological drive to survive likely manifest as a cultural bias which authorities may effectively inculcate into youths before they can reason critically and unprejudicially. Like belief in god(s), the value of love as an absolute human end, or any of the myriad other social myths (however important they may feel to us), life's value is not objective, empirical. The answerable question (and it is a substantially weaker one, in that it does not answer the question of whether or not one should have a right to commit suicide, but it is the one which medicine, public health and social policy can, at least, address) seems to be whether or not suffering (here emotional) can be effectively and sufficiently (to the one suffering) diminished. Where the suffering that leads one to contemplate seriously ending one's own life cannot, however, be effectively (again, to the one suffering) expunged, what legitimate right does anyone have to command another NOT to kill him/her-self? But even if there were an effective way to diminish emotional suffering, a rigorous, logical reason to compel one to agree that one’s life is objectively valuable (as an end in itself), and therefore a possible rigorous justification for proscribing suicide would still seem lacking.

Anonymous said...

I am 46 years old. I have tried twice in my past to kill myself and feel even more like doing it now. Why haven't I? Because I am scared. I am scared that maybe just maybe there would be one person whom it would affect. I am one of seven children born to abusive parents. I have sort love all my life and when I think I have found it, I haven't. I have a 21 year old son whom I love very much, I told him the other day that I loved him and was proud of him and he said, I don't care either way. I have been married for 23 years but my husband stopped having anything to do with me many years ago. I don't mean sexually, I mean in all ways. I asked him for a divorce about 6 years ago and then I meet another man, he was everything I could have wanted and seemed to love me for who I am. Then things changed, he still says he loves me and doesn't want to leave me, he says nothing is my fault at all, but, He is not there for me, I talk to him and he falls asleep, he will not discuss us anymore. I was so upset over what my son said that I called this man , I was crying for hours and he was yawning, I talked of killing myself and he didn't respond. For me the question isn't, why? but, why not? People say tomorrow will be different, well in 46 years it has not been different, so why will tomorrow be? I don't wish to kill myself to hurt anyone, but even if I did, I don't think I have anyone to hurt. I know this may sound strange but, I actually like myself, I think I am a good kind helpful person, and many people do ask for my advice or like to chat to me. But, mostly it is for what I can do for them.

Anonymous said...

Camus summed it up; There is only one question; should you or should you not kill yourself?
And, to be realistic there is only one inevitability in life and that, is death. Now, why, why why have we turned this inevitability into such a sacred cow? Fear, pure and simple. FEAR of the in known. Let's be fair, fear of the "unknown
" is what's driven mankind forward since it crept out of the bog.
FEAR..... But if one's not afraid of the inevitable why on earth shouldn't I have the right to do what I will with the one thing that is truly my own?

Anonymous said...

I feel as if life is something horrible and pointless as of now... or as of a few weeks ago. If there isn't a reason for the existence of the human race, then i'm left to believe we are here to contribute to the force of nature. But our life has no purpose. We are only here to survive and evolve.. and that to me seems pointless. As Humans survive we suck the life out of everyone and thing around us....and if that is all we do..then why are we here? why do we exist? Why would a god create us just to live and destroy? Why would he give us a planet and food so that we can live and then die. WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OR POINT OF IT? Why am i even trying if every life has the same worth? but idk. Thats just the view of my underdeveloped 16 year old mind.

Anonymous said...

Seriously, "cure the symptom"? Great, when someone gives me a time machine to an era where they can give me new body parts, and nerves that aren't screaming in pain 24/7, I'll get right on that. I found this page as well when doing a search for a reason not to kill myself. I've asked what friends and family I have that are still alive, and not a one of them could give a reason other than that "they" would feel bad. I don't think a lot of people here quite get that sometimes death is the rational choice. I'm not convinced one way or the other, but if there are reasons to live they're not here. Guilt complexes and appeals to imaginary ghosts and fairy tales are a pretty crappy reason to keep on going. If we were immortal, I could see a reason to not give up on life. But really, it makes sense to just an hero when you start getting old enough to see the joy of life seep away. I'm dead in 38 years or so no matter what, I don't know if the prospect of getting even more pain and disease is a very good motivation to keep going.

Anonymous said...

Here's the big reason I keep going:

Because I start thinking hard and carefully about killing myself, working out the details, and I start to think...well, if I'm willing to kill myself, what ELSE am I willing to do? Am I willing to do something silly or humiliating, like strip the clothes from my obese, ugly body and run naked through my neighborhood? Or something dangerous, like ghostriding or sword swallowing?

Most of the time, I decide, no, I'm not feeling up to doing something humiliating or dangerous. Oh. But I'm willing to kill myself? OK, maybe I'm not really feeling up to that either. And I keep on slogging along.

And sometimes, sometimes, I say yeah, sure, I AM up to killing myself, and to doing other things, and I make a deal with myself, to go try the bad thing first and then death second. And I go try something I wouldn't try normally. For example, one time I decided that if I was willing to kill myself, then I was willing to leave my nasty wife, just up and leave. So I did it. I moved out on my bitch wife. That was good, it made my life better. And even better when she divorced me. As a result, I didn't want to kill myself for a while.

And then another time, I quit my job, just quit. That was good for a while, but not so good now because I can't find another job and honestly I don't want one. But it has kept me going, and not ending things.

And now I've come to this blog because I'm thinking about killing myself again. But first, I'm posting this message. I'll do it anonymously, or as anonymously as possible. I'm very shy and normally I would never do something revealing like this. But I'm doing it. And so far, it feels pretty good. Cathartic, releasing. So maybe when I get done, I won't want to kill myself tonight, and maybe not tomorrow. We'll see.

But you know, it has been three years since I started thinking hard about killing myself. And I'm still here, so far. Maybe what I'm doing sounds like a trick or a gimmick, and maybe one of these times it won't work, and I'll end things. But maybe it's also a way for me to honestly assess where I am and what I'm really willing to do.

So, here's the question for YOU: If you're willing to kill yourself, are you willing to call that person that you have a crush on and tell them honestly what's in your heart? I mean, why not? You're going to kill yourself afterwards, so what's the harm? Are you willing to drop everything and move to that city or town that sounds so good, or just start walking in that direction if you don't have a car or any money for bus or plane fare? Why not? You might as well see it before you end things.

Anonymous said...

I don't know if this will help you or me but here goes.What i'd like to know is why not kill myself when all I seem to bring to my friends and family is one problem after another sure there are good times in between but sooner or later I cause another problem and cause the ones I love most heartbreak and misery.I'm 40 years old and think that if I was going to one day get right I would of cracked it by now.Depressed in Basingstoke ,I know Basingstoke is depressing anyway so that doesn't help.

Anonymous said...

I was thinking the same thing. My response is to just do it. If you feel that way, you probably don't have anyone that actually likes you enough to make you feel any different. People say things like 'What about the people who loved you, etc?' but, I can't empathize, as I don't have strong feelings about anyone like that. I'm an emotional sponge, dried out and dead. I figure it'll finally feel right making the outside match the in.

Anonymous said...

Why is killing yourself such a negative concept to the masses? Everything in your life is your choice. You may not believe this if you have no money & you're whoring the streets to get your next bump, but unfortunately this is your own choice & responsibility! Why is understanding that you are born alone & die alone such a pathetic concept for people. Look what we've done to the planet & to ourselves for that matter. With life comes death & no God, Pasture, ETC can change this for you. If you can find joy in your life through the simplest of measures-certainly enjoy the ride & the disillusionment! If you do this task out of vengenace then your soul is in the wrong place. If you do it to move on & live beyond our meaningless boundaries then so be it! Again, it's your choice because we are the total sum of those very own choices. WE are energy. We move on in a different form. I'm not promoting suicide. I'm promoting pro-choice! It is no different than terminating a birth. We are human because we can choose, but we have to have the intelligence & respect to accept those choices regardless of what anyone thinks. Think for yourself. If you feel that you deserve better, then only you can accomplish that. I'm disgusted with the world & still haven't had the nerve to take the plunge. Is that not a sign or my own procrastination? Suicide is simply not having the resources to cope with the issues that are causing you this torment. Reflect, grow, change surroundings, love yourself again regardless of the consequences. Learn to love again. If that sounds like b.s., then make your own choices. Some people turn, to drugs, alcohol, food & the list is endless. Perpetual happiness is not attainable because it is NON-HUMAN!

Anonymous said...

God? Please don't patronise people in such ways. If you talk of God you are merely showing your own ignorance and gullibility. Please don’t say things like, ‘you have to believe and you will feel the Lord..., or, ‘God will show himself to you if you believe’. CRAP! If such an omnipotent being exists, why doesn’t it simply show itself? Then everyone will KNOW of it, rather than simply rely on blind belief instilled by those egomaniacs with a vested interest in the gullibility of the masses.
What EVIDENCE is there that such a divine being exists? NONE! The whole concept is merely a tool of control and justification for the endless cycle of misery and pain that is life.
I think the question should be, 'Why SHOULD we live this life?'. What real reason is there to continue this bullshit existence? We are all going to die anyway, irrespective of what we choose to believe and how we choose to fill the time on this contaminated and condemned toilet of a planet.
What does the death of Cambodians have to do with anything here? Sure, most humans, along with all the other animals on Earth, don’t desire to die because their instincts, along with the need to eat and fuck, tell them otherwise. What of the person who sees past all that... thinks outside the box they were thrust into at birth, which has been fortified by the endless subjective and mindless drivel that we call education? Isn’t education supposed to help us see and understand the truth?
We drink alcohol, smoke weed, watch TV, play music along with countless other things to feed our desires and distract us from the tedium and futility of this life. We can’t take any of it with us, so none of it is really ours; just another escapist quick fix to get us through yet another moment.
To quote William Shakespeare (16th century English playwright) on the subject...
“To be or not to be? That is the question.
Whether ‘tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing, end them.
To die...to sleep...no more. And by a sleep to say we end the heartache and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to. ‘Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished.”
To die, to sleep. To sleep perchance to dream! Aye... there’s the rub.
For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come, when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause. There’s the respect that makes calamity of so long a life”. – Hamlet
Take away the fear born of everything we’ve been told to believe, as opposed to that which we actually know, and the decision won’t be such a difficult one to make.
In my case, the only thing that has stopped me from ending my personal farce is the pain I know that will be felt by those who really love and care for me. I couldn’t inflict that kind of pain on anyone, let alone my Mother and family. Even though I wouldn’t be there to see it, I know it would exist when I’m gone.
But my Mother is old and infirm now, so who knows what the near-future might bring?

Anonymous said...

One day you will get over the hump
One day you will not despair
One day you will forget your selfishness
One day you will have a reason to live
One day you will feel joy
~just give yourself a chance~

Anonymous said...

me iam just so broke i want to kill myself to feel more better iam without father his dead he leave me when i was kid and i cant feel good i always want show ather people that iam happy coz i i didnt smille i will cry and..and i dont want to cry to show them how i broke and i dont want to love to dont broke more if he cheat on me i just want feel good 1 time in whole my life please i want help god !

Anonymous said...

my father always said " if you have the balls to kill yourself you have the balls to live ".. sounds clever but he doesnt understand our illness , and thats what this is , an illness. i too am on the edge , confused , emotional, scared etc... but i want to believe, i want to survive..but i dont know why .? i need help but i wont take advice, im ill.... so are you ,if you live inside your own mind the rest of the world wont know .... TALK.

Anonymous said...

I have absoslutely no reason to live. Yea I have a wife, kids and a family, but my life is not what I thought it would be. I trusted a friend and he screwed me over big time, almost destroyed my career, and made me go through incredible public humiliation because of his actions. So how does this "friend" thank me. By moving out of town in the middle of the night a la "Baltimore Colts."

Meanwhile, I see lots of others in my profession who are committing fraud in billings, screwing over people, sleeping around on their wives, on their 3rd or 4th wife, actively lie, cheat, and steal, and there are absolutely no consequences. On the contrary, many of them are held in high regard "in their field." They are narcissistic, borderline personalities with no regard for anyone but themselves, but they get away with everything.

All I wanted was some advice on how to make it look like an accident, since the cops are so good at discovering anything (traces of drugs in the body, finding the guy you paid to off you, etc etc). There are no good answers, and there are no good people.

Anonymous said...

Try sniffing lots and lots of cociane the euphoric effects should make you like life to much to kill yourself but thats if you can afoord a lifetime supply of the dope which prolly isent likely so i use marijuana not as euphoric but work for me in the simple things in life can be utterly amazing like left over kraft dinner is a majestic feast when your baked lol

ryan said...

Because youll be in heaven looking down at all the joys that where hidden.

Anonymous said...

suicide is redundant when you are already dead

Anonymous said...

I guess what bothers me the most about this debate is the uselessness of it all. I mean, seriously, best case scenario is that the sun swells into a red giant in several million years and consumes the inner planets. By then, Earth will no longer be able to support life and any trace of human existence will have been long gone.


All of our accomplishments, art, progress, philosophy, will be lost forever and it will seem as if we never even were here at all.

Mostly, I'm just sick of playing. I feel like I'm putting all of this effort into a game of Monopoly and in the end, we're just going to box the game back up and burn it. There is no reward. There is no punishment. There is nothing.

So, tell me now why a person shouldn't have a celebrated right to end their life early. (Keep in mind, it's not ending your life, it's ending your life EARLY. Everyone is headed for death anyway.) I'm not telling you what to do. I'm just bringing up a point.

Anonymous said...

it's pricks like some of the ones leaving comments here that make me want to kill myself. arrogant insensitive cunts.

Anonymous said...

i act like a bad person
i feel like a good person underneath
but i cant seem to bring that to the surface
coupling that with the fact i feel totally worthless and my life will never result in anything good, i've thought about suicide a lot
the only reason i havent yet is because i have friends and family who love me and i dont want to let them down
do i deserve to do something selfish?
being a good person deep down,
or shpould i stick it out for them?
i drink a great deal
i smoke a great deal
i have a very unhealthy dioet
hoping it wiull take care of itself
but im only 20 years old and i dont see it happening any time
y should i continue living when i feel that my life makes the world a worse place

Anonymous said...

Why shouldn't I kill myself? I'm just a man, and I believe in an afterlife. Could the next life be better than this one?

What is the point of life if only to live? Is there some great lesson to learn? Is there a deathbed epiphany that so many have learned only during their last moments? If so then why not join them in the bliss that is the after? Does this life hold some secret potential that I am unaware of?

Many times I've asked myself these questions? Am I just a crazy person rambling after too many Jack and Cokes? Probably. But if not, then answer me this: What am I looking for? I've yet to figure out that one for myself.

Anonymous said...

I know that even thinking about killing one's self is a sin. I am just so broken. I'm lost and lonely. I have been married for 28 years, have three grown children and one grand baby. I love them all dearly. But as I think back on the past years I realize they could have done much better if they would have had another mother. I tried everything I thought was the right thing to do in raising them. I tried everything I could in giving to my husband. But I just can't help fell that I am useless to this world. Hell my own mother can't tell me that the man I thought to be my father all these years isn't. That the man the inpregnated her with me is someone she had only known for one day. I am in a marriage for convience though it seems. My husband doesn't pay attention to me in any way. His free time is spent with others, tv, computer. I don't remember the last vacation, anniversary, dinner date, walk along the beach etc..that we sharred. Is this it for me...PLEASE SOMEONE TELL ME THAT I MATTER TO SOMEONE... I had thoughts of ending it today...I guess that makes em a really sick person...a terrible mother, wife, human being. Give me a reason to stay!

Anonymous said...

I've buried two of my children. I spent a year crippled after the accident that killed them. My husband cheated on me while I was in the hospital recovering. Last year, I lost everything I own in a natural disaster. Now it's just my remaining son and me, but he is grown and off on his own life. I have friends, but I know I'm pretending to be all happy and stuff when I'm with them. Meanwhile, I'm lurking on sites like this looking for hope.

Because that's what it all boils down to. I thougth about suicide a lot over the years. Life is tough. I don't have any faith left after the children died. I don't get along too well with my family, I hate my work and it's really hard to rebuild a life after a natural disaster because insurance companies are not your friends. I feel so lost and low sometimes I just can't take it anymore.

But you know what? There's a man I know who killed himself last year after a fight with his wife and two children. Just walked into the woods near our house and shot himself. A neighbor found him. his kids are all messed up now,and his widow has gone crazy drinking and doing meds. Seeing the damage to the people he left behind makes me realize suicide is not about me escaping, it's about me being a jerk and not caring about the pain I leave behind when I free myself.

I just can't do that to my son or my parents, no matter how little or how much they seem to care about me. They don't deserve that. I know I'll make it through this, one way or the other. It hurts bad now, but pain passes and it will be OK again one day.

Life goes in seasons, it seems. This too shall pass.

Good luck to all of us reading this post. I know you gotta be in a pretty low space to log on here and read this far down. Best wishes.

Christine said...

I've been thinking that there is no point. I'm tired and I don't want to do this anymore. I don't see a future; I don't see a reason. I want to love and be loved, to feel worth something, to not always be used. I don't want revenge on people; I just want to be free.

Why not kill myself? My cat needs me. She has saved my life so many times. She is my angel. I lay down beside her tonight and I thought, "If it wasn't for her, I'd drive to the bridge tonight."

There is some beauty in life if you take the time to look at it. Websites with kittens, the whisper of rain on a balmy night, the clouds in a sunny sky, the cuteness of a squirrel looking for acorns.

Not everyone who posted here has power, but some of you do, even if you don't see it. What hurts you? Change it. Take care of you. If it's a person, get rid of them; if it's a job, find a new one; if it's your weight, exercise. Change your life, and most importantly, change how you talk to yourself about you. Love yourself and forgive yourself.

I've been there. I was there tonight. I see that I am not alone! I am sure I'll be there again. I keep finding reasons to wait and I hope you do too.

Anonymous said...

Telling a survivor of rape to take self-defense classes implicitly blames them for being raped. That is fucked up and wrong.

Anonymous said...

I hope that all of you people who posted on here about how you want to commit suicide realise that you just took the first step towards preventing it...you're (at least attempting to) tell someone about it. If you're actually taking the time to write about it it seems to me you aren't as sure about yourself as you might have thought. Talking to other people can help alot, but that doesn't mean that after you talk to one person you should give up.
Not everyone wants to hear your story, because not everyone cares. The reaction to that shouldn't be 'no one cares I should just be done with it', it should be "am I really that self-important that I think that everyone should care? Or even enough people that the first one or two that I talk to would?"
Talk to people. You never know who you will run into. Don't waste your time predicting your future life, just because 'it has gone on this way' doesn't mean that it will, and if you really think you know the future you should go out and start telling everyone you're God, because that's the direction you're headed in. If you think that people don't like you because of the way you behave, change the way you behave! Don't get locked into this mode of 'I will never change', as long as you believe that you are fulfilling your own prophecy. Try to change, just because a person says you need to be yourself doesn't mean you can't become a different self. I'm not the same person I was when I was a kid, but that doesn't make me a fake person now, it just makes a person that has adapted to the new situations as they came, not necessarily in the best way (I wish), but at least I dealt with it. You have to want to get better to do so. Your disposition has a literal physical affect on your health. Depressed people are more likely to get sick and to stay sick longer. So try to not be depressed, try to communicate with the outside world, and don't stick yourself in a never-ending circle of self-perpetuated repetition.

Anonymous said...

To begin with the only person who can answer that question is you.

Everyone goes throught different crap in their life, and we will all respond to it differently. Nobody really knows how you feel except you, the fact that your reading this blog suggests that you are looking for someone or something to talk you out of doing it.

Im not a doctor or even a perticuly clever guy im not good with words or expressing anything (partly the reason why im in the place i am)all i can do is tell you why i thought about suicide and why i didnt do it.

Ive spent my entire life ill with one illness or another ashma, epilepsy,ibs (iritable bowl syndrome really sucks that one) and obviously depression. After a while i was worn down by everything parents divorce finding out i have a 5 year old step sister (that was a fun one) anyhu not to be depressing..... the only thought that kept me going at times was simply "everything ends, nothing is permanent" even your suffering and pain will end eventually what counts in life, and what shows your character is how you come through the pain and suffering and become a stronger person for it.

i am well aware that what i dealt with is no where near as bad as the rubish some people go through or are still going through but....

to be honest i dont no how to finish that sentence, so ill leave it to you?

ive allready said the only one who can answer the question "Why shouldnt i kill myself" is you so just before you do it think what im going through will it end or can i end it in a different way from death.

finally i apologise for how badly put that was and i hope you can forgive me commenting i just thought i may help someone in a similar place to me.

Anonymous said...

I'm very depressed and I've thought of killing myself every minute of every hour of everyday since I was ten. Well I'm sixteen now and I guess this is as good a suicide note as any. If you read this and have some advice about how I could find hope, love, and happiness you have until 2016 to email me anything that would help. I hope humankind will prove itself more caring than I have found it to be.


Anonymous said...

well i have no other alternative, ive been living my life and all i have seen is that if i die i can run away from the pain that i have to go through every day with every person i meet
call me a coward and i will kill you
call me crazy and i will show you what crazy really is
thats why i should just kill myself
why not kill myself? because that would be stupid

Anonymous said...

I feel like killing myself because i must be the most ugliest girl right? I barely have any friends cause i haven't kept a singl friend since secondary school. I'm 19 soon to be 20 and never had a boyfriend barley any guys approach me! am i really that ugly? i've had people tell me i'm pretty but i guess their lying because boys don't seem to take an interest in me. I've asked past friends for help and they all act like yea will help you but they never do is why i don't bother with people cause it feels like i'm always the on giving more in a friendship like when people need my help i give it to them and i ask them for 1 favour and their unwilling to help. What's wrong with me? I can't keep living like this really i can't. If i can't fid any decent friends and I'm just going to go through my wrong age and never finda boyfriend then life for me should just end here because it is very dull and depressing!

Stuart Ressler, M.D. said...

Make sure you see this:

Jason said...

I have full intentions of killing myself on Sunday.

I was laid off 9 months ago from a 90k year job, lost everything, and am now living in a dumpster.

I would advise against this for most folks - but this is it for me.


Mark said...

What if there's no rock'n'roll in the other hell and it's worse than the one I live in now?!@#$#%%^%&^*(*&^*%$#@$$%^&**(&^^%$^#

Anonymous said...

if you sincerely feel you have nothing left to lose, dont waste yourself.
stand up for everything and everyone you believe in and be as reckless as you want.
your unstoppable without the fear of death.
worst case is you might actually make a differance

Anonymous said...

I have exhausted all options. My father told me the other day he said "son the only reason i keep you around is so i can get more back on my taxes." Any time someone sees me they always treat me like i am dirt, i have had people in my school that would come up and say things like "you should kill yourself, it would make everyone else happy."
I have even lost my girlfriend now my whole family hates me and she hates me too. Maybe God put me on earth as an example to all others, more than likely im being rightfully punished all i do is cause problems for everyone.

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Ive been depressed since i was a child, literally, im now in my mid twenties, and it seems like its only gotten harder to deal with. Ive been institutionalized and medicated, and for me neither helped, I have no family, literally. Ive been put out of my own family because of my deceased parents mistakes. I have no friends because I cant relate to anyone ive ever met. Ive battled drug and alcohol addictions and gladly kicked those habits, but why? I was homeless at age sixteen after my father passed away and worked my ass of while going to school, Ive always been punctual with my bills and responsibilities. I havent genuinely smiled in who knows how long, even with all the amenities ive worked hard for and provided for myself I see no reason why i should wait until im old to die. No one will even know, Im just a number in a government catalog, god forbid i die and stop getting fucked by our "wonderful" government, i would just be one less anonymous number paying for a bunch of dumb bastards to sit around on welfare and social security. I stumbled upon this forum while trying to find reasons not to kill myself, I havent found one yet...Im not a musician, im not an author or poet, Im no scientist, just a full grown disillusioned child. I will never do or see anything truly great or wonderful, and im certain some people reading this will want to know how i can assume such things. Statistically more than two thirds of the worlds population are nothing special, were just used to pump worthless paper currency around the world so that wealthy elitists become more wealthy. We are pawns, even the doctors that are trying to help. I will say thank you to those select few doctors that mean well, but sadly fall short of their proposed goals. Most doctors, both medical and psychological could benefit the world more by donating their money to the homeless and hungry around the world. Stop making pharmaceutical companies wealthier by pumping our brains full of chemicals and ideologies about health. Some of us can be helped and should be helped, im afraid others such as myself may just be lost causes.

Anonymous said...

I have nothing within my reach
My friends cant comfort me
They arent real

Im not real
I asked my mother for advice
Ive never seen her face

I lost my father in a fire
He had been dead for six years
Ive forgotten his face

My wife doesnt love me
Maybe if I were televised
She would see my face

I forgot how to smile
it was always fake anyway
shouldnt we accept our fates

Anonymous said...

The thing is - it's extremely difficult to guarantee death quickly and painlessly. Slicing your wrists open, swallowing a bunch of pills, jumping off a bridge, even shooting yourself in the head - many people survive these ordeals with extremely disastrous consequences such as brain damage, organ failure, and other side effects. Yes, even a self-inflicted gun shot to the head is not a guarantee. Most victims do not die instantaneously. Many position the gun at an incorrect angle, blowing off their face or simply injuring brain material that controls bodily functions but not necessarily vital components. Though a head shot may be the most effective statistically, survival is not a chance you want to take. High caliber handgun and shotguns can be expensive and difficult to procure depending on where you live. If you've done your research, as I have, you will find that paying $35,000 for a suicide cocktail in the swiss alps is perhaps the most appealing, yet many people are still turned away from this final exit strategy on several different grounds. Unfortunately, many suicidal people end up worsening their situation with botched attempts - which I blame on posts such as this, which under moral grounds do not make exit options readily available to such people. It doesn't matter what your reason is for wanting to die - you have a right to die, as the Supreme Court says: "The government may deprive an individual of life, but does not have the right to deprive and individual of death." But I have come to the conclusion that self induced death is extremely hard to execute safely and surely. It is a sad state of affairs when one is not given complete control of their own life and destiny - which includes the right to end that life and that destiny. Perhaps one day civil liberties will truly realize this notion.

Anonymous said...

You want to kill yourself. But really, if you think about it, the reason you want to kill yourself is to feel relief, to resolve all the pain that you are feeling. Let me tell you that killing yourself will give you -no- relief whatsoever. You can keep going because the one thing you want more than anything else, relief, can only be found in life. You still want something, hold onto it, and hope for it.

This is what has kept me fighting against killing myself even as everything has lost any significance, as I no longer derive any feeling from music, people, food, art, anything. I just coast through, but at least I can hold on to the fact that I still want relief, still want something.

Lynnmarie said...

What about people who just for whatever reason are done with all of this LIFE thing? What about people who know that the reality is all of those promises of "it will be better tomorrow", "it will pass" etc are infact not true. There are some people like me whose life, for whatever reason, is just not a happy one, that as I get older (43 today)the happiness is so short lived that its not even worth it, because even when I am happy I really no longer feel the happiness? I am not depressed, I am tired and am ready to be done with this. I know all about the "life is what you make it" thing, but I assure you that I have done everything I can possibly do to make it better, to do the right thing, to help people, I have gone above and beyond and it does make me feel better momentarily, but at the the end of the day, when I am lying in bed theres still me, struggling always trying to catch up, realizing that many of the hopes and dreams I had are never going to be realized, many are now impossible, not for lack of trying, because it just wasn't meant to be. I am a survivor and am proud of myself for that, but I have for whatever the reason suffered more tragedy than anyone I know, I am sane, albeit I have a bit of P.T.S.D. on occasion but I always resist it and plug forward, but I spend my life battling myself, the scars, the pain that no amount of medication, or therapy can erase, I am not blaming this on my current belief that I would rather be dead, I don't idealize it, I don't know if I am going to go to Hell, I don't envision an easier life, a blessed heaven, I have no idea whats on the other side, probably a parallel universe with my luck! But I am tired and I don't think any would be better off without me, but I know all the people in my life will go on, they will be fine, partially because of me, I am just tired and I am ready so done. I don't want to be apart of this anymore.

Anonymous said...

What about people who just for whatever reason are done with all of this LIFE thing? What about people who know that the reality is all of those promises of "it will be better tomorrow", "it will pass" etc are infact not true. There are some people like me whose life, for whatever reason, is just not a happy one, that as I get older (43 today)the happiness is so short lived that its not even worth it, because even when I am happy I really no longer feel the happiness? I am not depressed, I am tired and am ready to be done with this. I know all about the "life is what you make it" thing, but I assure you that I have done everything I can possibly do to make it better, to do the right thing, to help people, I have gone above and beyond and it does make me feel better momentarily, but at the the end of the day, when I am lying in bed theres still me, struggling always trying to catch up, realizing that many of the hopes and dreams I had are never going to be realized, many are now impossible, not for lack of trying, because it just wasn't meant to be. I am a survivor and am proud of myself for that, but I have for whatever the reason suffered more tragedy than anyone I know, I am sane, albeit I have a bit of P.T.S.D. on occasion but I always resist it and plug forward, but I spend my life battling myself, the scars, the pain that no amount of medication, or therapy can erase, I am not blaming this on my current belief that I would rather be dead, I don't idealize it, I don't know if I am going to go to Hell, I don't envision an easier life, a blessed heaven, I have no idea whats on the other side, probably a parallel universe with my luck! But I am tired and I don't think any would be better off without me, but I know all the people in my life will go on, they will be fine, partially because of me, I am just tired and I am ready so done. I don't want to be apart of this anymore.

Anonymous said...

Dear Anonymous of 9: 36 AM. A score of 73 is very impressive. You are very talented at being depressed. You could achieve an even greater level of depression if you continue loathing yourself and/or everyone else. Don't kill yourself. Reach for the stars- reach for those imploding, dying stars in the great emptiness that we call space. Reach for a 102.

P.S. Are all the depressed such prolix writers? Am I coward for seeking reasons not to kill myself? Am I pathetic because I found a few excuses in a blog?

Anonymous said...

Is their any reason not to kill yourself; other then perception? Look at this world, we are a speck off a grain of sand in the cosmic sense but on a personally level we seem pretty important. This big world with all it has to offer, just for you, just for the taking; but this is just perspective. Look at it in the cosmic sense. A world that exist, that harbors life. The only world we know that does this, to the extent ours does. And what do we do, we consume ourselves in trivial pursuits. We kill and rob, we rape and put fear into our fellow man, for what? Kings and Chiefs have made conquest throughout history killing hundreds of thousands of men only for their name to be remembered. But lets look more toward the present... Wait the same things are happening, for what? We live in a society of hypocrites, of thieves who take more then money. We live in a world were we are controlled. Every little thing we do is at the discretion of our rulers. Who care so much of things, only when it effects them.
And it seems since it has never changed it never will. You can commit any uprising any coo, and it will be the same. Time corrupts and apathy infects. So why stay in this world? We all are to die, why not be the one in control of the only thing you truly have a
say in?

Anonymous said...

Because tomorrow is another day, and the Sun may finally shine over you. Life may not be what you hoped for (mine is not yet), but whilst we are here we might as well enjoy it.

It would be sad for me to see you go, even though I do not know who you are.

Anonymous said...

please take this blog post down. it was the screen that i found on my roommate's computer after i found her almost dead from slit wrists. she lived, but others might not be so lucky. when someone searches for a topic related to suicide I like to think it means they are at least searching for another alternative. the comments on this blog are far from helpful and some quite awful and demeaning to someone who is going through such pain.

Anonymous said...

Im 16, im mildly depressed, i have a family that says they love me, and a girlfriend that means the world 2 me. If youre honestly thinking of killing yourself an you have no where to turn, turn to god. there are some things that are there an some you wont ever here, but if u look up all you have to do is stare! I may not be a doctor, an expert with depression, or anything like that but He (as in god) will always be there for you, whether you beleive in him or not. PRAY AN UR WISHES WILL COME TRUE

Anonymous said...

The last guy/girl to comment is an ignoramus. Learn at least something about mental illness, obviously never having experienced true Clinical Depression or other mood disorder in your life. Your friend lived....be thankful. A fr5iend of mine jumped into the S.F. bay last year..cutting wrists can kill you; but pills/cutting, etc. are generally cries for help: NOT true attempts; so shut up and read a book. People serious about dying accomplish it. Shame on YOU for asking this site which has likely saved lives to be brought down.

Chloe said...

It is sadly amazing how many people have tried to kill themselves and failed, it's also
pretty outstanding how many people are sticking up for them and telling reasons not to.

I tried to kill myself last night. I just don't see the point in living anymore. Sure, there will be good times but in the end I think evil conquers good. For me it does. Everytime. When something good happens I expect something bad right around the corner. I expect the worst and hope for the best. But, I'm losing hope and faith in mankind itself. It's hard to trust anyone. Even your own parents. Once you've seen the dark side of things, you can't just erase the bad and go back to blissful ignorance. It's deal with the worst, ignore it, or succumb to it. It's getting hard to see the light you work hard to get to. Walking through the long, dark tunnel to get to the end, you encounter so many things. You could have been raped, beat, robbed from, mistrusted, yelled at, emotionally abused and/or physically abused, or, hell, even a break-up or a back-stabbing friend is enough to make you want to stop and turn back around. The light at the end grows dim as you turn your back to it and let blackness consume you. The blackness is everything that ever hurt you. Once you turn back into that blackness, you are giving in. Giving up to all those people who hurt you. You are throwing your hands up and saying "You win, dad, thanks for being an alcoholic and beating me!" or "Way to go, best friend, you took the boyfriend away from me, the one that I loved!" Or in some cases, it gets so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. You are eclisped, dragged down till you can't see the light and you can't see a way out. Everything at the end doesn't matter you don't want to have to pull yourself out and trudge back through the icendiary dark. I've lost myself

Anonymous said...

i dont want to die but i dont know what else to do. feels like i have no one close to me.

Anonymous said...

life has never been fair to me. from being fat and ugly to always being poor and always facing physical and mental issues i have never been dealt good. all i have wanted in life was a partner but no one ever takes a chance to even try and ask about how i feel. lonelines,drugs, and alchohal have been the only things there for me when i nee them. school is out of cotrol and work dosent help. i dont know wew to turn theropy only agravates me but for sum reason hope always keeps me striving. maybe just one day.....

Stuart Ressler, M.D. said...


Anonymous said...

retired SSgt. USMC I'm 26 ,and i've survived 5 tours of duty in
Iraq. I've tried the meds,they don't work worth a shit.I'm addicted to pain killers and straight vodka.I have no sympathy for the insurgents I wasted ,im glad I sent them to paridise . Thats not the thing that mind fucks.What head fucks me is when I fall asleep I see the young Marines that died carrying out orders I gave them...(jesus i hate playing the rank card). I dream of dragging the mutilated and limbless bodies of my bestfriends one by one.Each of them ask me WHY? whyd you let me die?I had a baby boy on they way.I just got married.I was just a kid.I only had 2 more weeks in this stinkin shit hole and let me get hit.Sometimes I dream about an iraqi national guard police office I knew him for about 2 years he was in the secound vehicle of our convoy that day,and they rolled over acouple of 177mm mortar rounds I.E.D.s and blew him away.I dream about picking up his body parts one little piece at a time and giving them to his daughter in a bag.I have P.T.S.D.(post traumatic stress disorder)and I just want the nightmares TO STOP.I wish I could pull the trigger on my M4 while the barrel is under my chin I always had her on fully auto so we would make a mess,but I couldnt do it.Didnt have balls to end it all.So I guess ill continue to have nightmares of my fallen brothers in arms until I die ..Its funny when i'm with my brother marines in the shit,humpin my pack threw the desert in my uncomfterable combat boots(i wish i had nikes over there) I didnt have any bad dreams.It was only when I was stateside when these dreams started to happen,where its safe'and where the people I love are.I still love them ,but I feel like they've forgotten about me and dont care anymore.They knew we were in the desert but they didnt know that we were getting shot to shit and blowin up. Up to our nees in blood and guts. They did'nt wanna know what it was like for us.Its not like the movies. Those were real bullets flying over our heads, and that was real blood comming out of your dying buddys chest,and those calls for corpsman still give me goosebumps.Wondering witch one of my friends was hit.I just want the dreams to stop(a hand full of pain killers with 3 shots of grey goose will do the trick for a little while)i dont know what hlp I need ,but a hug and a kiss ,and someone to say thank you for fighting for me would help....thank you for reading.AND TO ALL SERVICE MEN AND WEMON WHO READ THIS DONT FORGET ABOUT THE HONOR,COURAGE,AND COMMITMENT YOU HAD FIGHTING IN YOUR AOs(area of operations)IN THE MIDDLE EAST.WHEN WE GET HOME ITS AN EVEN HARDER BATTLE.STAY STRONG AND NEVER GIVE UP ....SEMPER FIDELIS!! OOHRAH p.s. YOU are Americas finest we can overcome anyhing ...

Anonymous said...

Well I'm Elizabeth and I'm 14.. I have been thinking about killing myself for 4 years now ever since most of the people in my family left 2 people out of 4 I thought it was the end because honestly i was tired of being left My dad started working 2 jobs and i saw him only 2 times a week i was the one taking care of myself doing EVERYTHING by myself while going to school and being tormented.. I finally decided its time i start to say something So i did i went to the assistant principal and told him everything... it was a Thursday the longest day i can remember in my life Friday saturday and Sunday went by then Monday came And a man from the hospital came to evaluate me to see if i was a in bad enough condition to go to a mental hospital... 8 days.. 8 long terrible days on the 6th i was held down and given a sedative for wanting to be released It was the worst 8 days of my life and when it was over all i wanted to do was climb in MY bed and just die i was tired of being pushed around and i wanted to think about myself.. but finally i realized How selfish i was Going back through my story every time i did go back through it i saw something.. I used the word I too much i wasn't thinking about anyone else about how you or her or him would feel after i was gone and even if it was the worst 8 days of my life i learned suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem and I a 14 year old learned more in 8 days then a 25 year old learns in all his life... Nothing is worth throwing away your life for EVERYHTING can be fixed and even when it feels like it hug what you care about and tell your self Hey man im gonna get through this maybe not in 3 days maybe not in 3 weeks but im gonna get through this and when i do im gonna walk out with my chin high and say i may have had to take lithium Zoloft Prozac 5 different kinds of mood stabilizers sleeping pills and see a therapist and psychiatrist every 2 weeks but i got through and i broke it before it broke me

From Elizabeth October 28, 2009 8:51 pm

Anonymous said...

Lol, it is pretty depressing/funny that this is one of uthe most popular blitz that I have ever seen. The irony of it is in the hollow sound of uevery argument opposed and the desperation of everyone in favor. I think that this blog is a reasonable foundation for a discussion on the meaninglessness of life. Lol, even when we are told that we shouldn't take our own lives it sounds like they are trying to convince themselves as much as anyone else. Lol, kinda takes the weight from the argument. I'll tell you what though, if you are interested, this world sucks, there really may be no purpose at all to the pain we feel, it really may just be the way it is. The only reason I have found to keep going is that I'm not dead yet, one day ill die and then I won't have to worry about this nonsense ever again, that applies to all of us, one day it will be over, granted, I wish it would come a little sooner but hey, even in the misery of living in a fallen world there are things to be happy about from time to time and I think that when its over ill feel better if I know I gave it everything I had instead of giving up at half time. Lol, I don't know this helps anyone, I don't really know if I care, but I do care about the pain we are each dealing with, I do care about the losses we .have all experienced and I do pray that when our reasons for wanting to die outweigh our reasons for wanting to live that Christ brings to each of us the hope to make it through. Lol, God bless and good luck.

Anonymous said...

i have recently found out my ex is having something with my best friend, i introduced the two to eachother at the start of my relationship with her and me and her are still close friends i dont really no what to do now and i have self harmed since a young age and now dont no what to do anymore and im scared. i found this forum and feel its the only way i can really talk to anyone, someone give me some advice.

Brian Zach said...

Hey guys,

It's been fun reading your responses. Maybe that doesn't sound right, but It's been fun connecting with you. It's reassuring that someone else feels the same way.

I was sitting here, doing my fucking work for college when I'd rather be doing something more personally meaningful with my life. And I'm thinking, wow, I want to kill myself. Which brings me to share with you...
It seems like we've totally been deprived of our will in our lives... we all have to live up to certain expectations or career paths. And yet, while being deprived of our natural wills, we've been told to extol a will unto increasingly meaningless things.

By the way, question... when someone is really happy... they aren't thinking logically either, are they? So why not fuck it all and go to the happy extreme. Maybe that's why I got bipolar sometimes. And maybe that's why I miss it. It was a sort of letting go, a cleansing.

Over the past year I've started feeling really fuckin' afraid to express myself, because no one in this society condones true emotional expression. We are all just part of this machine, talking like machines, feeling like machines. And everybody has their own fucking machine to play with.
Anyone who doesn't fit in is ostracized, when really its this mechanical lucky-do-right-feel good attitude that's ruining us.

I started taking acting classes in New York (Meisner's Method) and I got to tell you, just learning how to express yourself fully moment to moment is one of the most liberating primal experiences I've had since losing my virginity.

No more rules! No more bullshit! No more psychological labels.

FUCK this shit!

Anonymous said...

i feel like i have nothing. i've practically failed out of college. my parents hate me for that, and i have ruined christmas for my entire family.
the problem is that it would be so easy. i have a bottle of left over hydrocodone, plenty to do the job.
someone give me a reason not to.

Phil said...

Try being kind to yourself. It seems that you are working yourself to death.

Lighten up, and change your expectations about yourself. Take the pressure off. You don't have to be ultra-successful, you can be happy instead.

Anonymous said...

My father died about a year ago. He always wanted a son, but he was stuck with me, a girl. I spent my entire life trying to make him proud of me, joining the peewee football team, working hard in school... I graduated valedictorian from my high school, and the night before he died he told me he was proud of me. I had waited eighteen years to hear him say that. It should have made me happy, given me closure... but I just feel hollow inside.
I have been thinking about suicide ever since I was sixteen. I'm a functioning depressed person. I go to class and get high marks, I joke and laugh with friends, and then cry myself to sleep. I never feel like I am deserving of anything, and I struggle with constant feelings of worthlessness.
I don't think I could ever actually go through with it, but the idea of the pain being gone is so... tantalizing. I couldn't hurt my family or my friends like that, but the thoughts creep into my head about how much better off they would be without me.

Anonymous said...

life does realy suck im not going to bore you with my story all i have to say is just think about this ;

fuck every one and there conforming shit , car , house , fancy job , wife .
Why not take time out to like yourself go on the dole and chill start to exercise every day and take small steps to change your situation the smallest steps add up !!
And if your on drugs weed meth coke fuck it off now i did arter 15years

I lost every thing you name it i lost it !!
Be strong
Dont let society win

Anonymous said...

i just don't have the mental energy to keep going anymore. i've been on meds for 4 years now and they aren't helping; living is just an everyday struggle. ending the struggle consumes my thoughts almost 24/7 and i'm tired of that too. I have every reason not to kill myself - husband, kids, family, friends, job - there's not a damn thing wrong in my life except for me. i'm what's wrong, i don't have the energy or the will to live and i don't understand why i feel this way and it consumes every fiber of my being. i'm tired and i just can't take it anymore. the only way to get it out of my head is to do it and literally get it out of my head. what i've read here hasn't helped. i've made up my mind. thanks for trying. goodbye.

Anonymous said...

So here is my opinion. Ive thought of suicide lots of times. I am 17 years old, i lost my father and i usually feel depressed. Many times i wanted to commit suicide just to get things over with but after thinking about it i always end up with the same idea. For me suicide shows weakness and it is an act of a coward. I live my life trying to be a better man and so being a coward isn't an option for me. Also i think it is a selfish act. If you have anyone in the world that you truly love (wife, parents, children) think of them before you do anything. By killing yourself you will give them great grief. Finally you should know that whatever terrible thing happens there is always something good just around the corner.
So my advice is before you do anything think it through. You will eventually realize that suicide is in fact the worst choice you could make...

lily said...

someone actually helped me on here.
thankyou. <3

Anonymous said...


First off, i love you. And i care about you. Doesn't really make sense
but i do. I may not know you. But maybe i will in the future. In a way, we all need each other. And so, if there isn't any other reason, I need you to be alive. To make a change. To keep other people alive. To love, to care. Yes, A lot of people may not care. And live to hurt. Do you wish for the world to always be like that. Think of the pain you are going through. Do you wish for other people to feel the same? If you don't, Then be the ones who cares. Be the ones who loves. Be the ones, who live. Who truly, lives. Life is all about choices. And in every situation, theres always two roads. The easy one. And the hard one. If i have to be frank. The easy one. Is to give up. The harder one, but the much much better one, is to try. and try and try again. To make an effort. Who knows, i might be the person in a school who needs you to give a speech about how you won your depression. I might be the hungry person who got mugged who needs a dollar from you to keep my stomach full at least for the night. I might be the person you save. But for sure, I am the person who cares about you. Who loves you. And i do so, because, well, we're all connected in a sense. And i believe, that if I show enough care and love, you will in turn show care and love too. To the ones around you. Or maybe, to the person in the mirror.

-Someone who cares. 24th February 2010. Entrux.

Anonymous said...

with the energy you would exert to kill yourself, you could do a lot of other things to remove yourself from the situation that makes yourself so miserable. buy a one way plane ticket to anywhere in the world. use a credit card and don't pay the debt back.

get the f outta wherever is making you miserable. forget all that stuff about taking to someone. take some responsibility for your own situation and change the world that made you miserable.

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately I fight with this issue frequently. Whenever I get this way I remind myself that my 2 kids need me and I would be so selfish to leave them like that. When I was a kid I had a friend who's father killed himself. She was really messed up because of it. She hated him for leaving her.
Knowing what it can do to my kids is what keeps me going.

Anonymous said...

Why not? You are anyway. Your life has little if any value overall to the earth and to the universe. Unless you do something utterly magnificent and beyond what other humans can do, you will never leave a mark on this earth and even then, what value is that?
You are going to die eventually, why not do it sooner? I's not like anyone needs you for anything. If you were gone, they'd get along without you anyway. Maybe they should kill themselves as well?

Anonymous said...

No problem is actual, any problem you have is self created. You may say YEAH RIGHT! SO MUCH STUFF SUCKS, but if you look at your life from an outsiders point of view, it is no big deal because nothing is a big deal. If you're depressed and your life isn't working out, join green peace, or WOOF (organic farming in exchange for living space/food), or move to South America and become a beach beggar just get out of the life you put yourself in. Doing something like that will make you feel like you are doing something substantial instead of surfing the internet/watching tv for hours and actually make you feel like your life is worth something.

Anonymous said...

we commit suicide because we want to escape an overwhelming fear, or pain, but will death solve that? If nothing happens, there you go, you cease to exhist anymore. If you believe in an afterlife, if you go to somewhere like heaven, for example, you still have that pain lingering on your shoulders from your past life, and going somewhere, no matter how glorious it is, does't necessarily end your pain. And if you go to hell, you have that pain still, along with physical suffering. Any route we take after death, we still bear our pain.

Anonymous said...

Actually it would probably be best if people started jumping off cliffs like lemmings. Lemmings know when they are overpopulated, if we are so advanced, then why don't we know when we are overpopulated?

Anonymous said...

To the people that have tried hard in life, only to have people use and abuse them:

NO ONE on this planet is worth taking your life for. If you have "found" your true love, only to be left hopeless, it's because he/she WAS NOT. Fuck them, and fuck "friends" that aren't who they really are. Life is hard, and people will lie and cheat to help THEMSELVES even if that means taking advantage of YOU. The past 2 years of my life have been living hell, because I would always go out of my way to help others (the wrong people), then when I needed it I was left to rot. This made me hate humanity, because I wondered how people can be so cruel? Then it clicked in... The world we live in is full of narcissistic selfish fucks - it's true. Greed controls the world, but there are people that it doesn't control. Genuine humans with good souls such as ourselves. Use your life to make a change, to STAND UP against all the hate. Against all the people who are only in this world for themselves. You will be ahead of the rest because you are stronger. Don't give in. Stand up against it and you'll be happier. Trust me.

Anonymous said...

as sad as it is to say i see no reason why we shouldn't kill our selves. you will die one day anyway. so will everyone you love anyone you've seen or never seen on the streets we all die. you can bet on that, and the only other sure thing that you can bet on is that you will be forgotten. in just as short a time as 2 or 3 generations. i saw that a few of you talked about making a difference in someones life. yes you could but in the end aren't they going to die? so it seems to me that you wasted your time on something as short lived and insignificant as a life. i saw a post or two about the religious point of view as well it seems that you are afraid of going to a place of eternal damnation. if youve even contemplated suicide do you actually like your own thoughts? do you actually think that you could live with your self in a conscious state for all of eternity in the best of conditions? that seems more like a hell to me personally than anything i've ever heard. this last bit may seem a little dark and its possibly illegal to say but do it kill yourself i've tried 3 times. hopefully the atheists got it right and you just stop existing youve got no fears, worries, hopes, dreams, plans failures, successes, heartbreak love, or anything just the bliss of complete and utter apathy. example: friends and family are grief stricken your dead you don't care. you won the lottery. hey guess what your dead you don't care. everything is perfect. so remember these parting words just do it.

TheOneAndOnly(: said...

Because it means you're giving up.Like you weren't brave enough to make it through life.
It means you're a quitter.Just as bad as everyone else.
And also becuase then you will never be able to prove them all wrong. To show them you could od something with yourself.
I dunno. (: That's what I tell myself.
I guess it sounds better in my head?

Anonymous said...

im still deciding if im gonna kill myself to i was looking for advise not to but that led me to here, i think i probably wont do it but idk im still thinkin about it if you want to talk to a friend

alexglenday said...

im only 15 and i want end my life most of people are freaked out by me and the rest just take the piss i was only 10 when my grandad died and my unlce died last year in august all my cats i grew up with have died the last to die died in my arms on the way to the vet`s my bro reveals my secrets to his m8 now half the school know my secret he`s younger then me but always beats me up and when hit him back my "real" dad kicks me for apartently picking on him im failing all my gcse and the only place i feal safe is on my xbox 360 my biological dad is only able to comes up once a month to take me and my bro out for the day i also was not told i had mild aurtism till i was 12 and all my life i believed i was freak and in my depression i some cut and write on myself because im to chicken to actually kill myself.i`ve asked my mum to get me help but she never does i dont go out because i get harassed too much and ive only ever had one girl friend and that was about a month ago and im not going to get one because im a disformed bag of shit so i spent all much time on my xbox because when im on my xbox i can do anything i drive, i can fly i can go fishing etc. and on top of all that i have very very very poor self a-steam can any of you give my a reason to live

alex said...

do because dont because get a second chance and you`ll regret it because ur family will because misriable

Brandi said...

These have all just been words of encouragement . Nobody wants to see the ones they love to suffer like they already feel. And those who do want that for there loved ones do not really have loved ones at all. Selfishness , Fear , Anger , Self-Hatred ,are feeling we all assume(really hope) everyone has. And that life is hard for everybody but rich or poor , black or white you can not run from pain. It may be easier (much eaisier) for some to cope(to forget) given ther curcumstances. But it takes courage to live, and to choose to live.

Anonymous said...

because your too scared, just like me

shannon.cathleen@gmail.com said...

I googled "why shouldn't I kill myself?"

I am a fucking Mensa member who just failed my LCSW exam. How's that for ya?

I am also "beautiful," according to people who think that 5'10" half-marathon runners (I can't do a full, that's my failure too) with green eyes and Masters degrees and awesome senses of humor are beautiful. I am these things, but I am not beautiful.

Intimacy vs. Isolation. I remembered that on my fucking test. I am done, career-wise. I wish I could find someone to help appease the "alone." That's what hurts more than anything else. I think that's how I found you. Anyway, when I leave this site, I will lose you. Cheers, Magic Hat beer. The beauty of anonymity.

Fuck this life. I didn't ask for it. I didn't.

Stephen said...

reason not to kill yourself #1 what if you die and your spirit remains and your still just as miserable at least here we can have a laugh smoke a joint catch a movie or at least have some form of fleeting joy

B said...

Wow there are a lot of people that just do not understand. Really? criticizing people for entertaining the idea of suicide? It seems like all the posts here are either written by someone considering suicide, someone that has no clue what it is like to live a life of pain, or mental health professionals. Myself, I am in the first category and have wanted to kill myself ever since I was a kid. Struggling with molestation, abuse, and an utter lack of support, it seemed life was not worth living. Well 20 years later and wow, my life is terrible. I constantly hurt myself for things I have done in the past. My body is falling apart. I am in constant pain. I couldn't even begin to tell you all the health problems I am having. For me it is a very tempting outcome. And by the way, to the guy that called us "weak", perhaps your perception is wrong eh? How would you know? Maybe one act of independence such as that, in the face of all the fear-mongering, is actually strong. Saying that we will most likely mess it up? What a moron! I can guarantee that when I make that decision for good, I will not make a "mistake". Some of you people just succeeded in making me more upset with your judgement and simplistic views. Others I could relate to completely. I'm so sorry to all of you that have pain like you do. The only thing I can say is that if you're really considering suicide, just put it off a bit. Start doing wild and crazy things that you have always wanted to. Live outside your means, do substances, go to a country and disappear. Go ahead and do the most irresponsible things you want. Why not? You might actually find some fun, meet someone like you, find your own inspiration in life (unlike the empty words of people that don't believe in suicide)Did that guy really say because god loves you? There is a basic lack of understanding there that is pretty much unfathomable. Perhaps people that don't understand pain and empathy should cease trying to tell people how "beautiful" life is. I will try and leave my email if you all want to contact me. Please do-B

Anonymous said...

I googled "why shouldn't kill myself?" as well. A lot of these answers are alright but not addressed my main concern which is this. I don't believe in an afterlife. I don't believe in god, or that humans or individuals have any special place in the universe. I believe that life is as common place as the rocks and gases that make up the planets and the stars, and that all are equal parts of the universe. For all the work we do, for everything we suffer through; in the end it doesn't mean a damn thing. From what I've gathered, life seems to be this big joke, where everyone feels they will be judged and persecuted for the lives they live, when in reality we could all relax and let loose because everything is pointless. We pour billions into armies when we know that every empire eventually falls. We plug billions into healthcare when we know that.. everybody dies. Everything we do is arbitrary and futile. It almost seems cruel that we should take ourselves so seriously. I cannot come to terms with reality, and cannot accept that with our one shot at being aware and sentient, the majority of us waste it thinking we're making progress. Lets party people!!
but if no one wishes to join me.. then I think you know where to find me.

Anonymous said...

If you can't find or feelnjoy, you can't find love, you have ridiculously bad luck, people use you, nothing ever is easy, and you simply are tired of it all-and you cant afford to even go to a doctor to get drugged up on happy chemicals....there's really no reason not to do it.

Anonymous said...

These arguments just aren't convincing. I'm leaving now. And you'll never find me.

Will said...

I'm here to love and look after the person who I love. I miss her so much now she's gone. I have no purpose and I feel so empty. I wanna just end it. I suffer from Sciatica and Insomnia, and get 3 hours of sleep every night. Life is a prison of pain, and even through killing myself, I know I'll be hurting people.

Fuck this world.

Anonymous said...

why not? Because there is an answer and hell for all you know the next day you live it could be one of the happiest days of your life, if that won't help try if someone I cared about did this how would I feel? now do you really want the people who care to feel that way possibly knowing the whole time that they could have saved you? they wouldn't like the guilt. just ask your self "what would I do if I was looking at a friend feel this way?" "is how much you want to hurt some people the same as the people you care about?" because it will hurt them and possibly cause them to do or try the same. Trust me these questions jeep my breathing another day, every day.

Anonymous said...

Because your important (skip)
God loves you (skip)
Because you can wait (skip)

Most of the comments on this page are from suicidal people... who searched why shouldn't I kill myself. Looking for an answer. Faced with hollow and meaningless answers that have no effect. All that is left is oblivion. Exactly. Who said I wanted to exist in the first place.

Anonymous said...

Hell, I think we all here consider it or still are. I am a Marine Poole and I have a few times just from the bullying from a few lesser fellow poole's. That's about it but you gotta keep trudging forward to a better tomorrow or why the hell would we be here.

Anonymous said...

Reasons to do it:
Nothing to live for
Stress every day non stop
Shit family life
Everyone expects too much of me
Girlfriend makes me feel like shit
Friends make me feel like shit
Every day's the same
Depressed every single day and night (clinically)

Reasons not to:
I love my father and my girlfriend...

What's the weight factor and how do these even out...
Can somebody please add to the reasons not to before its too late?


Anonymous said...

I was hit by a car,have been in 2 house fires and been disabled since I was 14yrs.old. My parents took all my accident money and my back pay from my SSD claim. So what do I have to live for now.My parents and sisters took my future and left me with empty promisses so good bye creul world see you on the other side.

Anonymous said...

a couple reasons i haven't done it. Scared of the physical pain and the easier way outs are too hard to obtain. I wish I had a gun and I'd do it right now. Laws are too strict and time consuming to buy a gun. Also, expensive. I tried to sign up for the army a while back, get put into the battlefield and be a human shield. That would do it. Unfortunately my size and my eyes made it where i was disqualified.

Anonymous said...

Because there is nothing after. Nothing. It's blackness. No feelings of self-loathing nor pain... nor joy (however rare). Nothing. But not for everybody. Not for your daughter or your son, or mom, dad, sister, friends, co-workers, etc. They'll relive your pain. That day or place will have a 'special' meaning for them. Do you think you'll be looking down benevolently on them? You won't. So go ahead. You're off the hook. It's somebody's else's problem now. You selfish pr*ck.

Anonymous said...

Because there is no cure for depression. Because I have had relapse after relapse. Because I've tried meds, groups, counselling. exercise, and NOTHING WORKS. I am in agonizing pain and have nothing to look forward to except ... oh, right, continuing to live in agonizing pain. Any health professional who tells you you will get better is LYING. There is no better with depression. That is all there is.

Anonymous said...

I grew up with an incredibly suicidal sister and when I was young witnessed her slit her arms and wrists on multiple occasions over a year. After that I didn't witness shit, but got to visit her in institutions on the weekends. After that I didn't see her at, but got an occasional email where she'd talk about her low self-esteem, wanting to die and her lifestyle (which was spiralling so out of control she resorted to prostitution to pay for it). My sister was my best friend, my role model and my idol. I KNOW how terrible it is to be on the outside looking in on a person like that, how desperate you feel to help them and how powerless that makes you.

So when my boyfriend found my cuts and did his best to understand I knew I couldn't put him through what I've been through. The time I want to cut the most is when I hate myself for not having control over my emotions and behaviour, I want to punish myself and get control over my body. The time I want to kill myself is when I feel nothing but pointlessness, and want to somehow refuse to feel pain ever again. Usually I hate myself because of some kind of failure that I think I am and that hate consumes me and I forget about other people. But I need to not cut myself or think about suicide, because I can still be the biggest failure on the planet and prevent people who love me from going through the kind of suffering I went through when I was 10. That kind of experience hurt me so badly and deeply, it completely destroyed any love or trust inside me. As much as I hate myself and think I'm a shitty person, I think a lot of that hate comes from having those experiences and I can't do that to my boyfriend or my mother.

I came here because I googled "why shouldn't I cut myself". I need these feelings to go away, but I just don't know how besides drugs or alcohol. I'm really tired of this shit.

Anonymous said...

I to wanted to kill myself cause no one from a regilion stand point or from the world I couldn't relate to them I couldn't talk right I was always call stupid or ugly but when I look back I took as a rejection and the truth is nobody care for me but God and the people around me if you don't believe there alot things that tells you that God exist and finding him is a purpose to live find him and believe in him.God made you out of love and that's why you also need love or help.What's happening now is no one is showing you any of it or at least that what you feel I tell you this your not alone and you need keep your head up.Everything in this current world isn't good at all I discover the impartial that confuse people to not clearly understand what is going on so I truthfully don't want to die after realizing people are not what they suppose to be or things of this world. I then seen people of this world mess up cause everybody is looking out for there self.So if we live in a loving world you would fit and then there would not be no selfish people looking out for there own selfish gains and own directions just to gain power for there own.Your very purpose could be to help bring peace to this world that way no one could think about killing someone or there self, and other bad things me I always wanted to be a helper or hero I didn't care about zero or getting the woman cause I love to help,fireman, and other but even if I say all this it will be up to you to make a choice to believe and depending the reason why you want to kill yourself but it maybe what I just said but you have to find your purpose and not some stupid game,girl,religion,and other reasons cause there isn't a reason cause life is good and make you feel good.

Anonymous said...

I'm 46 years old. I have come from a pretty bad childhood - usually worse than most people I hear - even those who complain about their bad childhood. I was molested by a child psychologist, emotionally incested by my mom, abused physically by my dad, blah blah blah. Yeah, even more stuff than just that. LOTS and LOTS where that came from, including physically scarred by my mom, hated by my family. You're probably starting to think I'm making it all up.
Then, I went to therapy for 17 years, I even studied meditation and had some metaphysical experiences where I saw that the world we live in isn't necessarily the 'true' world. But regardless, I'm in this world, the material world. And I absolutely believe, after trying everything - that yes - suicide is definitely ok if I've had enough. And I'm almost there.
I don't want to be in this world. I'm not depressed, I'm not making a quick judgment. I've had enough and plan to do it as soon as the animals (pets) are gone. Maybe sooner.

Anonymous said...

Thank you everyone.. you just saved a life :)

dave said...

to the people who divert people from sudisde thank you and god bless at least you tried

I'll put a good word for on the otherside

best of wish dave

dave said...

to the people who divert people from sudisde thank you and god bless at least you tried

I'll put a good word for on the otherside

best of wish dave

Anonymous said...

a constant theme through out my entire life. as each day passes it seems more an option. i always knew that 1 day i would. its a progression from a passing thought to planning oh well. not everyone can be happy, nor a millionaire. someone must suffer why not me or you?

Anonymous said...

what happens when you cant remember the good times? when they are all tinted with sadness? maybe there never was any good times. maybe there never will be. maybe i dont want to be here to find out if there is. i dont no a reason why you shouldnt kill yourself, only you can answer that. and only i can answer it for my self. 'why shouldnt I kill myself?'. i have no reason not to.

Anonymous said...

Im so tired of being so alone. My family isnt even a family. My father hates me to the core and i have no idea why and my mother is slowing dieing in front of me. The man who i've been with for almost 6 years has been lieing to me and i have no real friends. I feel like i cant open up to people and even if i wanted to they wouldnt care anyways. ive been thinking about suicide for about 2 and a half year now. Some days are better than others but most days are bad. Im just done with everything. Im done and im tired. I dont want to be here anymore. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.

Anonymous said...

I haven't killed myself yet for a plethora of reasons, though I have tried in the past. I don't understand what is wrong with me completely; I suffer from delusions that invade every aspect of my life. If it were not for the aformentioned, I would probably have a quasi-perfect existence. I have everything to be a painfully happy person, not merely happy and blessed. However, I seem to suffer from this "delusional disorder" I can't talk to anyone about. Of course, it is my own fault that it is still with me, as far as I can see, because of the sheer fact that I have not spoken about it to anyone. I am considered friendly but extremely private; I have been so my entire life and I have no desire to change that, but I need some sort of advice. If my delusions persist, if I get any worse, I am afraid that I will lose sense of reality. I am afraid of this. Rather than winding up like that, I should like to die. I am damaged possibly beyond repair (or at least I feel that way). I thought neuroplasticity could do something, though. I'm not sure. Anyone know?

Anonymous said...

One of the reasons why I wouldn't kill myself when the pain of going through each day too much for me to bare: my goal is to reach happiness. Most people's goal, from a psychological standpoint is to reach happiness. What if it's worse on the other side or what if my pain will continue? Yes, there were people who hurt and I wished to put them through Hell: much like what I went through. But then I thought: I get revenge and then what? Do I make myself happy? No. I want to be happy: sans sousci. And in order to achieve that, I have to be without any regret or guilt, wherever I am. Is not existing possible? I wish it were at times.

Anonymous said...

Hey so I haven't slept in two days over this question. I feel like shit, I look like shit, hell I'm a fcking ginger. My family is intensely christian and I feel oppressed, depressed and tired. You know what I've tried to kill myself before and you know what it felt good at the time but, half way through cutting my wrist, I was curious, if was put on this earth for a reason and I'd like to know. That's enough for me; Hope it is for you.


Anonymous said...

Killing yourself is not selfish, but it is brutal to any family or friends you leave behind. Stoics from Greece (back in 3 bijillion bce or whatever) believed in ending life when you thought you'd reached the end of your particular journey, and that I salute. I find myself however having achieved nothing in life, I am not at the end of any journey, and as much as I don't want to carry on (and I really don't), I HAVE TO, because if I didn't, completely wrongly, my close friends and family would blame themselves, and that I could not die with.

I would ask people who were really thinking about it to try to talk to someone, anyone, just to get another opinion on it (a friend or the samaritans?). Doesn't mean you can't go ahead but it might make you think differently. And try to remember that depression lingers till you're sick with it, but for many people it passes. In a couple of years you may look back on this period like a bad dream and be stronger for it.

No rash decisions.

Anonymous said...

as someone who has tried to kill their self in the past, and has constant thoughts of suicide due to MDD, i can tell you death is just a cheap way out. Only cowards and weak selfish people kill themselves. You think life is easy for everyone? Its not, and killing yourself as a way out is just the most pathetic thing you could do. Not only will it hurt the people who actually care for you, it leaves others to have to clean up your mess. I have a 2 year old now and i still think about suicide on a daily basis. Not because i want to die but because i long for a way out from all the stress, pain, and hurt i feel on a constant basis. I have my son to think about though. Once i got pregnant with him i learned that it wasnt about me. It never was. It was about how i lived my life and helped people along the way. Death is forever. You will die eventually, we all do. Your parents gave you the gift of life, and its completely selfish to take something that was given to you like that. ive noticed im not so suicidal when i pull my head out of my ass and quit thinking about poor me, my life suck, blah blah blah. if you sit there and only think that nothings going to get better, guess what... ITS NOT. NO ONE CAN LIVE YOUR LIFE FOR YOU. no one can make your life a walk in the park, no one can take your burdens from you. YOU have to do it. If you dont appreciate the life you have and see it for what it could be, then do what you have to do. But if you ask me, its the most pathetic way to deal with your problems EVER.

emily w said...

I am a really good person, teach music ( charge nothing to some who can't afford it it). HusbOnd lost job to no fault to his own. Have no savings, nothIng. Husband lost $40,000 because someone decIded last minute they want someone else. What do you do as an American in south America? You have come prepared, ready etc. And they decide at the last mInute, they don't want you??? You have spent 30 days preparing?? You are perfectly prepared, but you havE a conductor notorious for screwing people Over ... What dO you do?? How dO you

sarah susannah said...

I sometimes want to kill myself (like now, hence why I'm reading this blog lol). I get really frustrated thinking about it though, because I feel I haven't got the option to kill myself, knowing how much pain it will cause my family and friends.

Is this something can that be overruled when the pain gets too bad?? Sometimes I really don't think I can hack it for another 60-odd years or however long it will take for me to die naturally!

If I do kill myself it will be by going at night far out into the Peak district in wintertime with alcohol, and letting nature take its course.. I think this is probably the most practical and least messy option available.

Really Confused said...

this might sound incredibly stupid but here goes nothing...

after reading enough these comments, ive realized that im not actually sure if im depressed. most of the people who posted here want to kill themselves to gain power over something/some situation. i, on the other hand, am sad and have had such thoughts on the basis of giving my tormentors exactly what they want, because they cant bother me if im not here.

ive been backstabbed by so many people: family but mostly friends, that i cant trust anyone anymore. people are just disappointing and ive had to part with nearly all of the friends ive made over the last 20 years of my life either because they were either drug addicts or because theyve hurt me badly. i get compliments a lot about being 'pretty' and im in college so guys are always trying to get in my pants, usually the gross ones. girls just want to use me to get to other guys and then backstab me just before they spread false rumors about me ruining my character (this has happened waaaay to many times, and i am so sick of it. i dont even understand what people are jealous of, anyway).

im not stupid, i was getting good grades until recently, and im studying engineering and im pre-med, unfortunately no one likes a pretty girl who is smart and actually has communication skills so im probably just going to have to deal with more shitty people if i even get to industry, and im sure wont get any better as i get older. dealing with my really tough classes on top of dealing with... oh yeah, not having any friends, the death of my grandmother and always being alone (with the exception of gross guys flirting with me after ive made it clear im not interested. the best part is that the ones who dont take rejection well end up spreading really horrible rumors about me. there is so much false information about me out there that it gets harder and harder to do damage control by the day.).

who ever told you that 'pretty girls dont have problems' lied.

sometimes i just dont want to deal with it anymore and ive been thinking about death a lot recently because my grandmother died, one of the two most important people to me. i think its true about what they say, that God takes the good ones first.

i have no siblings, no friends, and no grandma this time to help me. definitely cant talk to my parents because they would just lecture me about how selfish it is to have these thoughts, as opposed to helping me through them (i know because i've tried talking to them before).

its like the same shit all the time and im just so sick of it and dont want to deal with it anymore. >:[

Anonymous said...

i can't think of a reason.

Anonymous said...

Nothing like standing on both sides of this issue as someone who lost my father at the age of 16 to suicide first of all its not a crime against anyone and your thinking like that is what has put a bad stigma on finding, helping and preventing people from dying by suicide. try to take the violent words out of the subject. it is a horrible act against ourselves to want to end our life but fact is some get and some dont some have no idea what its like to struggle with the thought, i myself have never wanted to die souly to hurt someone else or becuase i wasnt getting my way, there is alot of thought and most often its going thru the scenerios of how hurt your family will be or how devasted your children will be that stop you and prevent you from following thru. perhaps instead of degrading those who feel they have no options you should extend your hand or your heart, and for those who want to just make this all stop i get it i really do, i stumbled upon this page because i am about to embark on a messy divorce and i am not sure i have the strength everyone around me thinks i am Strong, i run a successful business, i am a good mom i am the persone everyone comes to for help....but inside i want to scream and i want to crawl into a ball and shut it all off. i get up every day and keep trying, i have beatiful children who are counting on me and i know what the pain looks like, feels like, smells like, burns like after a loved one dies by suicide i cant imagine passing this pain on to anyone else. i have met grieving parents wishing they had made different choices or seen the signs, grieving children and young adults who dont know how to cope with the massive loss and are set upon the same destiny for themselves, i have met horrible mean people who slam their door in our faces when we ask them to support the cause and help fight the stigma on suicide and mental health, perhaps kicking their ass might make us feel better and we can concentrate a little less on kicking our own.. i dont know. i know its a horribel feeling to loose someone by suicide, i know its a horrible feeling to want to die by suicide and its even worse to think that it will never end. i would like to make a suggestion to some of you who say you have tried therapists and their pharmy drugs try all natural really try it you will be amazed at the results i needed to stumble upon this page to gain strength so thank you, i need strength to keep fighting the fight for life and to keep fighting the stigma and keep fighting for this divorce to teach my children to talk about this subject openly make sure they know how much i love them and that they never struggle the way we do. i hope you will all live another day and get involved help yourself and help others. www.afsp.org join an out of the darkness walk or committee its not just for those who lost someone its for those who struggle too again i needed this today so thank you this site may have saved my life today

Anonymous said...

To everyone here who's said we should turn to God to male our lives better: you're a ****ing idiot.
You think this mystical being is going to pull us up from the abyss of depression when, according to your Bible, he could have kept you from being that depressed in the first place? You think anyone actually BUYS that? It's BS like that that cause people not to believe in God in the first place. I'm 14 years old, try to be as good a person as I can, and I've been bullied so much in the past few years that I have considered suicide. Why would your **********ing god do that? where the **** is your god now?

Anonymous said...

I'm 15 years old. I'm obese. I have virtually no true friends, no one I can talk openly to. I'm a reserved person. When I was in 7th grade I was sexually abused by another boy in my grade. I havent gotten over it. I've never had a girlfriend, even though girls are the only ones I hang out with. I basically fall in love with all of them, but I never make a move because I'm mortified of rejection, and the fact that if I actually am rejected, I couldn't be friends with that girl anymore and that's worse than not having a relationship. I used to be very popular, everyone in the school knew my name. I dress like I'm someone important. I walk and act like I'm a above all of it. I'm actually not a bad looking kid, just fat. I am basically blind and deaf. I have severe gynemastia, which isn't a life threatening disease but its mentally killing me. I'm not close with my family, they think there's something wrong with me. I have been severly depressed since I started kindergarten, which is a horrible childhood to wish upon someone. I started smoking pot, which has actually made me a little bit happier, but not enough.

The main reasons on here about why I shouldn't kill myself are it'll hurt the ones who love me, and I shouldn't because I might be a great person one day. It seems like nowadays there are more reasons to kill ones self than not to. Why shouldn't I kill my self? Maybe I just don't want to be here anymore. What's so wrong with that?

Anonymous said...

As I read through the comments I can see a common theme; A good portion of people think that reminding yourself of the good in all of the bad will help.
What helps when you honestly have no good?
I'm 23 years old and I can honestly say that I've been horribly depressed through out life, medications can help but often leave you feeling like you're only experiencing maybe half of your life. You won't be able to think as clearly while on medications anyway. I've had more than my fair share of traumatic and crushing moments, somehow I have managed to get by this far and have started going in to medical studies.
I've never been close to people and I can never seem to connect or understand them, I can't find any happiness in things people normally do for enjoyment. As I look at everything, I can't even find a single thing in my life that stands out and could define me, hell, I don't even have a single friend that I talk to on a regular basis.
I'm incredibly intelligent when it comes to things that don't involve engaging with others but how can someone be content with mediocre? I'm always alone and never happy, even when I have reasons to be angry I can't, it just adds to the disappointment.
Why would I want to be here when it seems the only reason I'm even still here is for my classes? When I'm done with school I'll owe over 180k, what's the point? To get some job where you just work to pay bills until you're old then you get a break but what's the use because enjoying life won't be the same when you're mentally and physically deteriorating.
The only reason why I'm even here anymore is for my cat, can't just leave her with no one to care for her in her old age (18). I guess I stick around for my classes since I'm normally already enrolled and dying half way through would only serve to lower my GPA, that's about all I got going for me.

Anonymous said...

@Anonymous @2:43 AM; Thank you. Your story is my story.

Stephen said...

For those of you like me, and the one I read in the comments. I'm sorry people I don't have the attention span to read all of those, damn I don't even read what's on my own shirt!
Anyway, for those like me who many, many times contemplate suicide but can't do it for whatever reason.
Just start a habit that will eventually kill you eg smoking.
I started smoking at 12 mainly for the fact that smokers usually die much quicker than non-smokers, also the same with alcohol.

I am going to be 19 here in 2 months, and I've been slowly killing myself for the past seven!

It may seem like a stupid idea from some, but it seems to work for me. Plus those of you who don't have friends, smoking, drinking, etc. no matter what people say it still allows room for friends.

I have one friend who I have nothing in common with but we play Xbox and smoke weed. And the weed is the only thing really that keeps us friends.

I also know I ramble alot, like this and you guys may find this comment "stupid", "useless", "other similar words for stupid/useless". But I feel a need to post this here, and I believe it may help a few out!

Also, one of the best songs (I think) to play when you feel like there's nothing to lose but your life: "For What It's Worth" - Buffalo Springfield. Just put it on max and repeat and listen!

Goodbye, and Good Luck!

Anonymous said...

I live in a first world country. I have all my needs taken care of. I have money in the bank, have a car, a motorcycle, a decent standard of living. I owe no money to any service, I left college and did not want a degree, I owe nothing on student loans. I have worked myself for everything I have in my life right now since age 15. My parents simply took me to school and provided food and a roof over my head for the first 15 years of my life.

I feel as if we as humans are a waste. We have no real purpose. If anything we are a strain on our earth, and do nothing other than cause problems to all other species for our own selfish reasons. I honestly want to do as hitler did and kill as many people as I possibly can before I manage to die, someone kills me, or I just give up.

I have no want for a funeral, I want to be cremated, or thrown into a volcano, I don't care what happens to my remains. I have no belief in any random false god made up by my ancestors the last 10,000 or so years. We are blissfully ignorant and easily persuadable. There is honestly no reason to maintain life.

Those starving children in africa? Do you think anyone honestly cares about those things? Trying to fix that problem is ridiculous. A culture focused on reproduction due to their belief in god is grossly overpopulated, undereducated, and has no common sense. A more intelligent individual would realize that if they are unable to feed themselves or support their own bodies that bringing in more simply will not work. We give millions of dollars every year to causes that make no fucking sense.

The only reason I have no killed a large number of people is that I have not thought too much on how to go about taking out an entire population. 1 person can only do so much.

I have to leave now before I finish this because I have to go to work, simply to gain currency and support my own bullshit wants and very few needs. I wish a meteor would just collide with us already and turn us back into stardust.

Pavel said...

After seeing all Zeitgeists. Studying work of Jacque Fresco. Seeing almost all interviews with him. Listening to and reading: Krishnamurti, Gandhi, N.D.Walsch, Deepak Chopra, Stephen Covey & his son Stephen M. Covey, R. Kiyosaki, I. Toman, D. Carnegie, D. M. Ruiz, B. Goldman, John Gray, Lao Tzu, L.L.Hay, Og Mandino, Paul McKenna, Earl Nightingale, Steve Jobs, Will Smith, W. Buffet, R. Hassmann, John Alexander, Steven Scott. Seeing films like: The Secret, The Shift, Peaceful Warrior. Having Reiki initiation of 2nd degree (if I had the money I would go for the master one). Giving my love, joy and care the best way I can.

I still struggle with money ... I just give all away hoping that the universe will take care and give me some, but ... it's almost a half-year now since I started my business, helping people, "working with them for free" (I couch some friends for free) and all I have more and more debt.

In our country (Czech Republic, Europe) there's a law to pay insurance every month, but I just do not have the money to pay it with. And I am scared about it. I try to sell furniture on auctions to have at least some money to pay some debts with ...

I am also sooo confused and frustrated realizing all the harm WE DO every single day to our mother Earth. All that cruel industry - which even I am part of.

All the system is designed a way so it is virtually impossible to unplug from it. I was born to a state and laws I do not accept! I was born to a state with taxes which I do not accept!

That's for the economic/survival part - considering that the solution is SOOO SIMPLE and there's still (he is 94 or 95 today) a person knowing it ALIVE!!! And he knew about LCDs and internet far before it was developed - you can search YouTube for "Larry King Interview Jacque Fresco 1974".

From the relationship point of view I have no girlfriend. I had one which I completely lost my mind and hearth for. But I understand that was an unhealthy partnership - at least that is what they say in all these books about love - so the universe ended it.

I have sex only 3 times in my life - with that first girlfriend I truly loved - unconditionally (she said that to me - in fact she kept saying to me, that I am too good for her and that she worries that she will lost me ... and you see the end - anyways it was her who left me ...).

(part 1/5)

Pavel said...

Than I have some more girls, but just kissing them, as something in me ... remains stuck and shocked after the break up with my first girl.

The thing is more I use these pick up artist skills nowadays on girls, more they work. In fact I realize I used some of them on my first girl subconsciously - even though at that time I have not read books about it.

It's scaring me! I am really good person and I help everyone I can. My friends call me half-Buddha, monk, saint-one. I do not want to manipulate girls to have sex with them - but it seems there’s no other way??!

Well so these are two main issues in my life - great debt and no sex.

The other part is my family. Actually I have sick family - BUT I DO NOT BLAME THEM!! I know it is because of their parents (my grandparents) and they are the way they are because of their parents and so on ... and I do not even blame them. I just take the fact that I have no real family, no real feelings of being loved and supported. I just take it.

My family is very poor. All of them are employees. So when I started my business they tried every single way to stop me: emotional abusing, stopped giving me any support, negative comments, but I endure.

In fact nowadays, we are holding regular meetings every week and I teach(!) my parents(!) all the knowledge I accumulated through my readings and practice. And they are SOO HAPPY!! Because they receive from me what they have never received from their parents (and what I have hardly ever received from them).

So I am in debt, I am doing parent to my own parents. I have no sex. But anyways I help/coach all these friends of mine and make them happy.

One of my friends just offered me that he wants to make a movie about me. Actually he already stayed that as a deal.

(part 2/5)

Pavel said...

So no money, no real parents - instead I am doing a parent on my own, no sex, no life(soul)-partner (girl), knowing that every single day our planet Earth is being abused more and more ...

Listening to all these positive thinkers every day (Randy Gage, some local business partners) ... Running my own business. Making people happy. Giving everything the best way I can.

Almost not sleeping during nights (like tonight). Hitting gym. Flirting girls. Smiling genuinely on people around me ...

I do not understand myself. Today I felt like killing myself (not for the first time).

In fact I've already achieved what was my life goal (about two years ago) and right now I am living just for the sake of HERE and NOW (but sometimes it is soo hard!!!).

Another thing which bothers me is communication with certain people. Those who keep judging or want me to judge something! Hell what is with you out there?!

Everything is perfect the way it is - including this crazy life of mine - so why you want others and yourself to judge all the time?! Analyze. Try to understand (I sometimes do that myself too ... I know.)

I also do not like people who are trying to pull me back, emotional vampires trying to steal my positive energy/love/joy. It's so hard to deal with them every single day (especially considering my own family is full of them).

We are living in a crazy world full of crazy people. Or it is just me?

Anyways now I feel a lot better. It's crazy being 22 knowing all this stuff. My grandparents told me, how come I knew all this - that I should have coming to realize these things much much later. I suspect god/universe/I whoever has some really crazy plans with me ...

(part 3/5)

Pavel said...

I apologize for this little ego talk, but I just need to talk my chest of ... I have mistakes. I am human after all. I am just constantly trying to fix them.

Currently I've contacted FranklinCovey company in our country and they were amazed by my curriculum vitae. In fact every single business partner in my life always gets amazed by me (contrary to which I was told by my poor family: Finding job is very hard!! You have to learn good!! - WHAT A LIE!!!)

I really regret learning sooo goood as I did because I have simply doing what others want me to do rather than discovering my true self and my true passions. I've started with this just after the break up with my first girlfriend and dropping out of my college (happened same time - two years ago).

I would say I have born anew. During past two years I completely rebuild myself. There are still weak spots on my soul, mind and heart, but I believe them to become stronger and stronger during my life.

I am just so confused and feeling so alone and without support. It's really hard to start living your life in 20's.

Well but you know what they say: You can live by your mind safely and feel just a little pain. Or you can live by your hearth reaching to the best experiences in your life as well as suffering the deepest miseries. It's up to you!

I lived 20 years of my life using my rational mind. Feeling safe. Have some great experiences.

Than I was born anew. I've switched to listening to my hearth and emotions and become something I've just dreamed of. Accomplished my life's goals. Experiencing the best moments in my life!!! As well as the deepest suffering!!!

I guess that's the deal :) . You want to know the white? You have to know the black as well ...

The true is that all these depressions seem to be more scares these days - though they are still very intense.

(part 4/5)

Pavel said...

I hope they will be gone once ... as well as my confusion.

In fact I have had given myself a new life's goal - since my personal one I've already accomplished. I want to help Jacque Fresco with putting into practice his knowledge. Why?

Because I do not want anybody to go through all of these things me and you and thousands of others are going through!! We have to change the world! I believe I can do that!! I am crazy enough!

And you know what they say: People who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do!!

I believe that to be my dharma. In fact I've already started with it on a local level (family, friends, business partners). I just refuse to judge, criticize, damage our planet purposefully.

It's very hard but I believe in people! I believe we have the power to change our planet into a living paradise! With no more people committing suicides, suffering depressions, having no sex, no money, no value, ...

I know I can change the world!

What about you?


(part 5/5)

Anonymous said...

Tomorrow is fresh, with no mistakes in it (yet) -- Anne Shirley

Anonymous said...

my life has been horrible. I've always gotten bad grades no matter how hard I try, i literally dont have 1 single friend, and it's been like that for as long as I could remember. I dropped out of high school and was recently fired from my job. and i know this sounds concieded, but keep in mind this is coming from a person who hates themselve more than i can even put into words... but I'm beautiful. I know that... I still see an ugly person when I look in the mirror because I hate myself and I know who I am on the inside... but i just feel like its even more of a slap to the face. pretty girls can always get anything they want cause they're pretty. im THAT pretty. I've always been confident that I was better looking than ANY of the popular pretty girls that would go to my school. but I cant get anywhere with that. because im bad on the inside and apparenty that emanates off me really strong. I dont even know what I did to be so repulsive on the inside. The only think I can think of that I did wrong, is want to be smart and popular more than anything. maybe i should have just been happy.. idk.. I don't have friends, I can't get a job... I look in the mirror and physically see someone who looks like they should be happy and have tons of friends... but instead I see a sad girl, who is so lonely and wants nothing more than to be smart and to have just 1 friend... just one. My family hates me too.. i have a brother who has been mean to me my whole life and my parents have anyways favored him (even though hes 10x the pathetic loser i am). he never protected me in high school. when I was dealing with people harassing me my senior year u know what he does? becomes friends with the people doing it to me. but anyways, 5 months ago we found out that he's gay and now my parents will protect him no matter what. he is in love with my boyfriend (which is a whole nother horrible depressing story in itself) and the other night he LITERALLY hit me with his car. i had to jump onto the hood to avoid him, and then he started driving 30mph down the street with me on the hood. then slammed onto the brakes and sent me flying. I brke my arm, and my nose. i had to get 16 stiches on my side, towards the back because i landed on a huge jagged rock, and I had skinned my chin, arms, legs, and face. u know what my parents said about that? "you betrayed him". I am the one who owes the hopspitle 2 thousand dollars, not him. and he has a job, THAT I GOT FOR HIM. THAT I WAS FIRED FROM FOR NO REASON. i fucking hate my life, i fucking hate my brother, and i fucking hate this world and everyone in it. and FUCK U TOO.

Anonymous said...

Dear BrokenBrain: can you fix the mobile version of this comment page if at all possible? There are problems with us where I was not able to go back and edit properly and then the page just refreshed. Or maybe I'm just retarded.

I am coming from a very supportive and loving family and friends to a good college, and now work what some consider an enviable job in the nonprofit industry. Still, I have been unhappy my entire life. Long story short and could describe this better terms in the comments that I previously was unable to enter, I don't think I made the best choices academically and personally in college now have a degree if it does not give me much use when all I do is be a musician. I have considered going back and getting my doctorate, only because I feel like my 9 to 5 job will make me kill everyone in my office and my interests are more intellectual in nature anyway, but I only graduated with a 3.2 which doesn't make me terribly competitive and I didn't study music and also don't want to be around pretentious morons all day. I hate most people, and only tolerate the majority of my acquaintances.

People say its selfish to committ suicide, and I don't want to put my loved ones through that pain. Still, I'm unhappy, and isn't it selfish to make someone live with unhappiness because they're guilty about making you feel bad? That leads to repressed emotions, drug abuse, and all these things that are worse for society.

I dream of a world where the government will subsidize painless cocktails for people to kill themselves with. There is a lack of jobs and a lot of othe problems in society that could be fixed with less fucking people on the earth. I think that society is still clinging to this idea that people need to live because of some roots in religion, but it's sorta bullshit in my eyes. The powers that be (and who created the problems that drive many people to see disparity between expectations and reality and thus become depressed or angry or unhappy) thrive off of unhappy or placated people furthering the status quo. It would be the biggest rebellion for a bunch of people to kill themselves. I sort of want to be one an"right to die" advocate because I think a lot of people secretly agree with me. I'd love for 400 people to just committ suicide othe steps of the new York stock exchange. It would be so moving and really drive home that society has to change - either so people can kill themselves or so that we remove the ills that make this world the furthest thing from utopia that it currently is.

I love bands like radiohead and the roots but it's hard to become a famous musician and I'm not sure i have the determination or chops. They changed the world through music, maybe I could do the same with my beliefs? Maybe, but doubtful.

Anonymous said...

okay, I'll try to keep this brief...

You have friends. If you kill yourself, you'll never be able to see them again.
If you believe in heaven/hell, you still can't see your friends after death. Suicide doesn't send you to heaven...
Also, your friends will blame themselves. Whether you explain your true reasoning or not, they'll think "Why couldn't I stop them?" or "If I had just tried a little harder..."

Anonymous said...

Meds don't work for most people, they usually make things worse or do nothing at all. Therapy is just as retarded, you are just paying someone to listen to your problems so that they can tell you to write them down in a journal. Some people have gone through some bad stuff but that doesnt mean they should kill themselves. The only reason that I haven't blown my head off is because I couldn't do that to my mom. Also I was raised in church so I believe in God, the devil, hell, demons and all that stuff and from what I've seen/read/heard hell scares the shit outta me and that ain't where I wanna be and killing yourself is right where that will put you. I want to be in the marine corps when I grow up and I would rather give my life to save other people than kill myself and accomplish nothing.

Anonymous said...

I've been depressed since I was in grade two. I remember conversations with my mom about how "sometimes, I wish I was a ghost" before I was even ten years old. I've been on several anti-depressants as well as in different therapies. I have spent years pushing "I don't want to kill myself, I don't want to hurt myself" forward in my mind so that when I contemplate suicide,living is what I fall on first. I will never cure my depression or urges. However, I did find one help. I will admit at one time I considered drugs such as heroin. I researched several drugs (never did anything)hoping something would inspire me. It never went past Google searches but I found my inspiration (to a sense) in cocaine and speed. "Why take 'downers' when they make me feel worse? I want, I need an 'upper'." I found a new doctor and discussed Adderall. I DO NOT RECOMMEND JUST ANYONE TO EVEN TASTE THIS MEDICATION!! This medication has a similar reaction as speed. It gives you a concentration and focus so intense that nothing can break it. I spent so long wanting and planning to make myself better, I just needed the push. DO NOT CONSUME IF YOU ARE AT ALL CONSIDERING SUICIDE!! THE DETERMINATION IT GIVES CAN MAKE YOU DO ANYTHING!! This medication does not help weaken depressive states. It only helps you get through each day and anything you need to do. The depression was a lifetime fight I accepted long ago. Some days are worse but It is who I am. Depression is defined as a disease. I do not believe this is true. A disease (or virus) can be cured (symptoms lessen or disappear) with medication and time. Depression will be with me for ever. My desire to live, learn and fight is why I am willing to go to any extreme. It is why I will not hurt myself even one this medication. As I once told an old roommate, "I am a survivor. I am resilient and resourceful." Everyone needs to find something to live for, my life is music and the pride in my own growth as a human being. (both have only just begun, I have a lifetime to expand myself).